Authentic Achievements with Special Guest Tara Halliday
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: Insights from Tara Halliday on “Authentic Achievements”
In a recent episode of “Authentic Achievements,” host Kim-Adele Randall engages in a profound conversation with Tara Halliday, a world-class imposter syndrome coach. Tara, who transitioned from a successful career in engineering to holistic therapy and coaching, shares her invaluable insights on imposter syndrome and personal development. This blog post delves into the key themes and actionable advice from their discussion, providing a comprehensive guide for listeners seeking to overcome self-doubt and embrace their true potential.
Understanding Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is a pervasive issue that affects many high achievers, causing them to feel like frauds despite their evident success. Tara Halliday explains that this phenomenon is closely linked to deeply ingrained beliefs about conditional self-worth. Many individuals operate under the belief that their worth is contingent upon their achievements, leading to a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety.
Key Points:
Conditional Worth: The belief that one’s value is tied to one’s accomplishments.
Early Development: These beliefs often form between 18 months and three years.
Unconscious Influence: These foundational beliefs can operate unconsciously, influencing decisions and behaviours.
The Process of Change
Tara introduces her structured program, the Inner Success Program, which is designed to help individuals systematically dismantle limiting beliefs. This program consists of eight steps, each accompanied by exercises that guide participants to redefine their self-worth.
Steps to Overcome Imposter Syndrome:
Self-Awareness: Recognise and acknowledge the presence of imposter syndrome.
Identify Beliefs: Pinpoint the specific beliefs that contribute to feelings of inadequacy.
Challenge Beliefs: Question the validity of these beliefs and their origins.
Adopt New Beliefs: Replace limiting beliefs with empowering ones.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
Seek Support: Engage with mentors, coaches, or support groups.
Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements.
Maintain Consistency: Continuously practice these steps to reinforce new beliefs.
The Universality of Imposter Syndrome
Kim and Tara discuss the widespread nature of imposter syndrome, noting that even iconic figures like Albert Einstein and contemporary artists like Eminem and Justin Bieber have expressed feelings of being imposters. This shared experience serves as a reminder that external success does not equate to internal confidence.
Key Insights:
Shared Experience: Imposter syndrome affects individuals across various fields and levels of success.
Internal Beliefs: External achievements cannot outrun internal self-doubt.
The Importance of Self-Acceptance
Tara shares her breakthrough moment: realising that she must learn to accept and like herself. She acknowledges that many people fear introspection, worried that it may confirm their worst beliefs about themselves. However, Tara reassures listeners that this fear is unfounded.
Actionable Advice:
Introspection: Engage in self-reflection to understand your beliefs. Self-Acceptance: Embrace your true self, flaws and all.
Positive Affirmations: Use affirmations to reinforce self-acceptance.
The Role of External Validation
Kim shares her own experiences with self-doubt, recounting how she often externalises negative beliefs about herself. She recalls an exercise where she asked friends and colleagues for feedback on her strengths and weaknesses. The responses surprised her, revealing that others saw her as brave and fearless, qualities she struggled to recognise.
Recommendations:
Feedback Exercise: Ask trusted friends and colleagues for feedback on your strengths.
Reflect on Feedback: Compare external perceptions with your self-view.
Internalise Positive Traits: Acknowledge and embrace the positive traits others see in you.
The Cycle of Seeking Validation
The discussion shifts to the tendency of individuals with imposter syndrome to seek external validation through qualifications and achievements. Tara points out that this cycle of accumulating certifications or accolades will never fill the void of self-doubt.
Key Points:
Endless Quest: Seeking validation through achievements is a never-ending cycle.
Root Cause: Address the root cause of self-doubt rather than treating symptoms.
The Need for a System Upgrade
Kim-adele introduces the metaphor of upgrading a belief system, likening it to software that needs fixing. She explains that beliefs are often formed in childhood and can be flawed due to the limited information available.
Steps to Upgrade Beliefs:
Acknowledge Flaws: Recognise that childhood beliefs may be flawed.
Approach with Compassion: Understand that everyone did their best with the knowledge they had.
Reframe Beliefs: Replace outdated beliefs with healthier, more accurate ones.
The Innocence of Childhood Beliefs
Tara emphasises the innocence with which we adopt childhood beliefs. Many of these beliefs are passed down through generations, often unchallenged. She stresses the importance of separating actions from self-worth.
Actionable Advice:
Challenge Generational Beliefs: Question and reassess beliefs passed down through generations.
Separate Actions from Worth: Understand that your worth is inherent and not contingent on achievements.
Advice to the Younger Self
As the episode draws close, Kim asks Tara what advice she would give her younger self. Tara reflects on a poignant song by Hillsong titled “Dear Younger Me,” which encapsulates the message that it’s not your fault. She elaborates that worth is intrinsic and does not depend on external validation.
Key Takeaways:
Intrinsic Worth: Recognise that your worth is inherent and not dependent on external factors.
Self-Compassion: Approach your younger self with compassion and understanding.
Parenting and Modeling Healthy Beliefs
Kim shares her reflections on parenting, noting that her daughter’s resemblance to her younger self reminds her of the importance of modelling healthy beliefs. She expresses a desire to instil in her daughter the understanding that she is enough and capable of achieving her dreams.
Recommendations for Parents:
Model Healthy Beliefs: Demonstrate self-worth and self-acceptance to your children.
Reinforce Unconditional Love: Ensure your children know they are loved unconditionally.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Help your children develop self-awareness and self-compassion.
In conclusion, this episode of “Authentic Achievements” offers valuable insights into the nature of imposter syndrome and the journey toward self-acceptance. Tara Halliday’s expertise and personal experiences provide listeners with practical tools to dismantle limiting beliefs and embrace their inherent worth. The conversation serves as a reminder that everyone can struggle with self-doubt regardless of their achievements. Still, through introspection and support, it is possible to overcome these challenges and thrive.
Listeners are encouraged to explore Tara’s Inner Success Program and take actionable steps toward addressing their imposter syndrome. The episode concludes with hope and empowerment, reminding everyone they are worthy of success and happiness.
This blog post aims to guide readers on their journey to self-acceptance and personal growth by diving deep into the nuances of imposter syndrome and providing actionable advice. Whether you’re a high achiever struggling with self-doubt or a parent looking to model healthy beliefs for your children, Tara Halliday’s insights offer a roadmap to overcoming imposter syndrome and embracing your true potential.
Connect with Tara:
Become a case-study client for her 2024 research study. link: https://bit.ly/2024IS-CaseStudy
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Transcript:
0:00[Music]
0:05[Applause] hello and welcome to this episode of authentic achievements where I’m
0:11absolutely delighted to be joined by The Fabulous Tara holiday Tara welcome thank
0:17you very much Kim delighted to be here oh I’m so so excited to have you on and
0:22so looking forward to our conversation which I know we always get really stuck in and carried away so before we do that
0:28I’m going to just share a little bit about you with our audience who haven’t had the pleasure of knowing you like I
0:33do so Tara is a world-class imposter syndrome coach she guides High achieving
0:38leaders to eliminate imposter syndrome and develop energy Focus calm resilience
0:44and effortless confidence Tara brings a practical and scientific approach to helping High performers reach their
0:51Highest Potential she has over 20 years experience as a qualified holistic therapist she’s a certified coach and a
0:59certified neuro feedback trainer and has a PHD in engineering she’s the author of
1:04Amazon number one bestsellers unmasking the coach’s guide to imposter Syndrome
1:09from 2018 and outsmart imposter syndrome in 2023 her Mission and passion are to free
1:17high Achievers and leaders from unnecessary internal suffering so they can live a happy meaningful and
1:23successful life wow what what an amazing um call for of calling for for your life
1:30to to be able to help because when we’re in the throws of of impulser syndrome it’s it’s debilitating is we we can we
1:40can get ourselves into into such trouble but before we dig into that can you share with us a little bit more about your journey because that’s the
1:46fascinating route that you’ve been on engineering through to
1:51Authur you know it it it seems odd I think there’s a there’s a step before it
1:56and I think that’s that’s where the difference is when I was teenager and people you know careers counselors were
2:02saying well what what would you like to do I wanted to be a psychologist my family didn’t want me to be a
2:08psychologist they said you got to do something that you know be a computer systems analyst okay and I got into
2:15engineering because I could you know I like science and I could and I had a 10-year career in engineering and the
2:21PHD as you mentioned before I finally escaped back to what I really really
2:27wanted to do and that was the the the the therapies that was my my first that was started the year 2000 actually it’s
2:3420 24 years ago now yeah so and and from there everything’s just narrowed um so I
2:42was working as a therapist with all sorts of all sorts of clients with all sorts of you know stressful situations
2:48and most of them it helped some people kept coming back and oh no that’s not
2:56the point I’m not meant to be a crutch right I me to be a Catalyst to help so
3:02uh I started digging into why you know why why did they keep coming back and you know I eventually got to that it was
3:07about the beliefs they were holding and okay now maybe I can put that more into
3:13my work I found this incredible um framework and coaching practice around unconditional worth
3:21which is has been identified as the root cause of all human suffering right there’s when it’s conditional so
3:27unconditional worth trained in that and then as I was working with clients in that one of my clients said is this
3:34impostor syndrome and I said I don’t know I haven’t heard of imposter syndrome so of course I Googled it
3:41looked it up and and I saw that all the symptoms of conditional worth the stuff
3:48that makes us suffer is exactly the same as the symptoms of impostor syndrome as
3:54that was my big light bulb moment oh my go I can see there we’ve got the root C
4:00of imposter syndrome so this is why it’s so hard to address impostor syndrome
4:05because people are trying to look at the symptoms and and and solve that but I it’s it’s the root course I just got
4:12narrower and narrower my focus and now I’ve been working exclusively with people with imposter syndrome uh for the
4:19last eight eight years I think eight years yes wow because I the it comes up
4:24for so many people doesn’t it and like you say is back to that um you I always
4:29call it like kind of that my personal operating system so yeah we we kind of create that at S I think and we um
4:37enforce it at 14 and we embed it at 21 and if we don’t go back and look at it it inadvertently drives the rest of our
4:44life and the rest of our choices in I I love that time scale you know what’s
4:49what’s interesting is the the belief that that belief that your worth is
4:55conditional gets developed between the ages of 18 months and three years so precedes and all the rest of our
5:03framework so it means that framework that we’re developing operating system at the age of seven already this idea
5:10embedded this belief embedded in it and c and you know follows and that’s why it’s again something that unless you
5:18know what it is and you know how to shift it it’s not going to move because it’s
5:24rock solid in there that’s and and it’s it’s not conscious is it it’s in our subconscious so we we’re not aware of it
5:30and and for me you know I I liken it these days it’s taking me a long time to get there but I liken it these days to
5:37you I’m 51 so if I think that operating system got finalized at 21 it’s 30 years
5:43old that’s 30 years worth of bugs and and misinformation and you wouldn’t let
5:48your phone or your computer run on such outdated software so why do we not go back and kind of update our own personal
5:56operating system like you and I’ve spent the last probably seven or eight years
6:02really digging into for me mine started with why am I doing to myself what I’m
6:07doing to myself why you why have I developed this belief system and and actually unless I unpick it and and
6:15create a better one I’m going to inadvertently create Scarlets in the same flawed manner that
6:22I’ve created my own and and so for me that was my driver was I if I can
6:28understand and update mine I can learn from that what I can do for her to make sure that if she’s um seven now to make
6:35sure actually we’re building her the very best operating system that we possibly can I I love that and you know
6:43I I do often get asked um you know by people they hear about imposter syndrome which for those who don’t know is the
6:49secret feeling of being a fraud when you’re not a fraud and the fear of being found out so it’s you w Really connect
6:56with an access your success um so when
7:01when people realize that impostor syndrome is prevalent in their life they realize that they’re modeling it for
7:07their children and so the next thing they they do is they say okay can you fix my kids can you make sure they and
7:15it’s very natural yes of course you want to do that but I will take a step back the way to influence your child is to be
7:22a different role model so you get rid of impostor syndrome and then your child is not going to have it either and that’s
7:29that’s the way through so there’s no there’s no skipping the parents work no
7:35and one of the things I do with with Scarlet is um is make sure that you I’m
7:41I’m kind of REM reminding her of the belief piece and when I catch her in one of those moments you come they come back
7:48and and children is as quite um fatalistic often things like oh I
7:55can’t color you know it’s like let’s just have a look at that so
8:00let’s have a look at how much better was your coloring today than yesterday oh it
8:05was actually Mommy it’s better okay and how much better was your coloring yesterday than this one from last year
8:12oh momm it’s much better how do you feel about coloring now I’m getting good at it aren’t I I think so so her kind of
8:20make the make the steps but just points to go well let’s just anchor it back
8:25into how far you’ve come but let you do that let’s because it’s got to be your
8:32thinking your decision where you come from hasn’t it for us to really that to fix what you can’t do is is go it and
8:40try and distance her from the label it’s like you know you’re not naughty you might have made a naughty choice but the
8:46beauty of choice is the minute you do one minute you make a choice that doesn’t serve you you can make a brand
8:52new Choice it’s like we’re not stuck with it and I think I’m hoping that some of
8:59those will help her to have the inner resilience to become her own best friend
9:04rather than become Her Own Worst Enemy and having spent probably nearly 40 odd years of my life being My Own Worst
9:11Enemy it’s not a nice place to be is it you know and you do wish so much so much better for your for your kids um and I
9:19would say that it’s also your worth as in adults we are worth yeah having our
9:26own happier lives and not being driven by this belief I mean you you you hinted at it there the the the conditional
9:32worth is belief is the the belief that um who you are means sorry what you do means who
9:40you are so you do something good you are good you do something bad you are bad
9:46and that is why you know that has been identified back in the 1950s as the the
9:53root cause of of of all human suffering back then we didn’t know we could change
9:59we didn’t know that that we had the brain had neuroplasticity we could change beliefs we didn’t know any of
10:04that Neuroscience has moved on and now we know if we do things in a very specific way we can work with our brain
10:11the way the brain actually the hardware of the brain if you like and work with that and actually
10:19change these beliefs on a very permanent basis and that’s and that for me it’s so powerful and that’s why I’m you know so
10:26excited about the work that I do you know eight years I’m still it imagine I
10:31mean I um I know for me it was lifechanging once I realized I could change the beliefs that didn’t serve me
10:39um and you I I do get to do a little bit of that with with clients you although I
10:44do a very different thing to you it it crops in you you suddenly get there and go okay so actually the issue is you
10:53don’t feel worthy you don’t feel like you should be doing this and that’s what’s causing all of these symptoms to
10:59crop up in while you’re procrastinating in your business or why you’re not making the tough calls when you need to
11:06why you’re not taking enough enough risk or you know it kind of drives a lot of what comes out in in kind of that
11:12business growth piece but it’s it is fascinating isn’t it what we do to
11:17ourselves and how how plausible that voice is I me that was the you know that
11:25was the real kicker was when I had to own up um that I was the thing that had
11:33got in my way all of years um and take take some accountability for that and
11:40and then change it um because other than that until then I hadn’t actually
11:45regained control of not only my worth but my power because I was still still being
11:53you know a victim to to what had gone on and and now I look at him going I’m I’m not a victim
11:59of my circumstance I’m a product of my choice because in every circumstance I have a choice may not have many choices
12:08have a choice and if I take control of that choice and and do the one that works best um then it helps you to start
12:17to um rewrite rewrite your the future doesn’t it it’s like you we are all the
12:23author of our own lives and sometimes we need to take back the pen you know love what you said about um
12:31the the um the rewriting and the responsibility like I
12:38am responsible for my choices I think one of the things where areas we can be
12:43a bit more gentle with ourselves and say and that original belief is not our
12:49fault yeah all of us all of society teaches us this that your worth depends
12:55on what you do you know you see we we’ve recently had the Olympics and of course
13:00you know some people were dissatisfied with silver as it made them a bad person
13:06then they doesn’t make you a bad person right you know all of that but it’s so
13:11prevalent in society the very first step in change is recognizing it so we talked
13:17earlier about it being an unconscious belief when we become aware of it when you suddenly realize what’s going on and
13:25you know all of society has kind of misled you then you know it’s not something to beat yourself up for it’s
13:31something to notice and when you notice it then you can do well if you know you there’s something you can do about it
13:37then you can act and you can change it and that is the most empowering position
13:42to be in when you’re when you’re changing what you’ve always been taught
13:48and that as you say doesn’t serve you yeah yeah and it’s funny there’s so many I was talking about this on a recent
13:54podcast actually there’s so many phrases that I grew up with that actually they’re just
14:01wrong um so you know things like um sticks and stones will break our bones but names will never hurt us and yet now
14:08we now we understand the power of the brain we know just the impact that what we say to ourselves and others can have
14:15and one of one of my favorites was you’ve made your bed you’ve got to lie in it well it’s your bed get out and make it
14:22again you don’t have to stick with that choice for life you can make the choice
14:28um and I think like you say there’s a lot of the of the societal pressures
14:33that allow us to feel like things are conditional it’s like I know with with
14:39Scarlet if I ever have to tell her off about something I always remind her that you remember all I love you always I
14:46might not like what you’ve done and we might need to deal with the consequences of that but I love you always because I you I when I grew up I
14:54grew up in incorrectly having created a belief that
15:00love was conditional on me being perfect yes that was my childlike view of of kind of of the world um whereas now I
15:08realized the Love’s unconditional that doesn’t mean to say you’re never going to get to off or held to account for
15:14making choices that aren’t appropriate so with scolly I try and make sure I always reinforce I love you
15:22always yes I don’t like this I need to do something different let me explain
15:27why I don’t like this or you know it’s going to harm you or whatever it is but so that hopefully she she doesn’t
15:34ever make one attached to the other yes and then have to go back and unpick it
15:40all like I did later on in life because we we do don’t we we find we live a label um to label
15:48[Laughter] everything know what it is and I’m not on my own because everybody else has got
15:54a label like it that can be really beneficial but it can also be really harmful can’t it yeah you talking about
16:02the operating system that we install by the age of seven well you know a lot of that is the the brain mapping out what
16:09everything means and gives a label to everything and you know children around
16:15that age they’re all they’re asking for labels you know tell me how I’m
16:21different from my siblings tell me how you know tell me what are my qualities
16:27you we’re trying to Define ourselves the brain trying to refine how how to
16:32represent the world yeah so it’s it’s a very um I what I’m Keen with with the
16:39people that I work with is is is that they don’t feel like it’s their fault it’s there not not to blame and it’s not
16:46their parents’ fault so we’re not going to therapy and blaming parents here because their parents were taught the
16:51same thing how how would they know I mean it’s like learning another language
16:57if your parents never learned and you never learned it anywhere else in your environment H how can you expect to know
17:04you know that language right by osmosis are you I sat broadly
17:09near somebody well listen I was a genius is you I sometimes find when I’m
17:16chatting to chatting to my mom i’ had not thought of it that way well I didn’t do that and I went no but you didn’t
17:22study it either you know I’ve spent years studying it so I know it purely
17:28because I got taught it yes you get taught it to your point Tara you didn’t get taught it how on Earth are you
17:33possibly ever supposed to know um and so we’re just doing you know the best that we can with the hand that we’ve been
17:40dealt in each generation is trying to fix the bit they learned something on the Journey Don’t
17:45we we got oh I’m not going to do that bit with mine with mine but I’m not gonna do that bit with mine um but we go Inward and I
17:53think for me that was my that was one of my hardest things to
17:59do was to go in because I didn’t like myself very much so going Inward and
18:04spending more time was a terrifying thought it’d be much better to we out
18:09here with all these lovely people that that W imperfect um but actually I
18:16realized I’d got to go in and and understand how I viewed myself because
18:23that was the only place I was going to change and because it didn’t matter how many external accolades you got or
18:30Awards you won or anything else because that wasn’t changing the voice inside um
18:36because you’d still say things like you I would still say well if only they
18:41knew they knew what I knew then they then they wouldn’t be doing this and and for me one of my big breakthrough
18:46moments was um I remember suddenly hearing myself saying that well if only
18:52they knew this and I thought hold on a minute so these people that you really
18:57admire that you would aspire to be like that you you know that you would love to
19:03be a tenth as as good as are telling you that you’re really good at at this particular thing and you’re convinced
19:12that your opinion that you’re wrong that they’re so your opinion that they’re wrong is better and more valid than
19:18their opinion that they’re right yeah that makes no sense because I don’t I
19:23don’t think my opinion is worth anything to be fair but at the time so so why on Earth
19:29would I dismiss their opinion that I aspire to be like and cling on to my own that makes that makes no sense and and
19:37so my start of my journey was I started borrowing their opinion i’ go well you
19:42know if they believe I can do it I’m going to borrow their belief do my best not to prove them wrong it’s like and
19:48that helped me on the start of of that Journey until I realized takes you so far and actually what you’ve got to go
19:54is the next bit is to go Inward and go how do I change that belief how do I
20:00dismantle that table because our in my head how our belief system works is we
20:05we have a belief and then every time something else happens it becomes another leg on the table belief until we
20:12the most stable table we’re ever gonna have and we think that’s never going to move because it’s like it’s rock solid
20:19but what we have to do is create a new table over here don’t we stop and move them over um and for me
20:26that that was that that felt very daunting it was also so liberating when she had done it when she’d gone back and
20:35and and kind of looked at it from a different angle been a bit more curious about why am I so convinced I’m right
20:41why am I so convinced that’s wrong what what can what else might be playing into this that I’ve not considered or I’ve
20:48not um reflected on that’s such such a powerful process to go through I I think
20:55the the difficulty with that process is is also is was always well how how do I
21:01how do I do this how do I change this belief and you know it feels like you know it’s like how long’s piece of
21:07string it feels like it’s either never ending or it feels like is it’s just too
21:13far open ended you’ve no idea even where to start and that’s that that exact
21:20point was the reason that I developed my um inner success program which is is a
21:26very structured program there’s eight steps we go step by step there’s exercises to do each one and and each
21:32one we’re systematically dismantling the old belief taking down the old legs and
21:38building in ones that actually genuinely support it and all the while using you
21:44know neuroscience and how the brain works as as as our guide to how to do this so it goes from being
21:51something nebulous and and a bit scary you know to go in and redefine yourself
21:56like you say it’s very some some people find it very uncomfortable to do um but when you have a process and you can just
22:03follow the steps in the process oh then it’s it’s so much easier and and it’s
22:09and it’s so much more because you know the steps are backed up by science it’s reproducible so you get the same result
22:16Time After Time After Time now I focus solely on one belief so I’m not
22:23rewriting personalities or anything like that and and that’s and that’s not the point of it at all um but this this one
22:31belief is one of these uh cornerstones to it’s probably the Imposter syndromes
22:37probably the biggest block to success there is fact over 70% of high at some
22:43point in their careers and you know some studies say even more than that yeah and I think yeah I read similar I read that
22:51actually 70% of us globally any one point um will suffer a syndrome and you
22:59know always it’s always good to know that you’re in good company so you for me the fact that you know Einstein had
23:06it so he a quote which I’m gonna butcher um so forgive me but something along the
23:12lines of um the esteem within which my works are held leave me feeling like an
23:18un an unlikely swindler and so even Einstein expected as yes and people that
23:26you wouldn’t expect so both Eminem and Justin Bieber have got songs where they talk
23:32about and it so even people that are outwardly super confident and look like
23:37they never doubt themselves for a second yeah doesn’t matter how confident we look externally it can still be eaten as
23:44up inside concept yes yes and and and it can lead to burnout people destroying careers I you know it’s it’s a serious
23:52is a very very stressful and very serious issue and and you can’t out succeed impul to syndrome there’s always
23:59the idea that oh well if I just get to the next level then I’ll start feeling good about myself right if I get to the
24:07next landmark in whatever I put then maybe I’ll feel better so this is where
24:12people get driven to achieve more and more and more and more and they never get that and this is why you know
24:18Einstein top of their field there singers at the top of their field um um you know actors at the top of
24:25their fields every in every industry in every
24:30area of achievement um you you can’t outrun this
24:36because it’s a it’s a belief it’s an internal Bel it’s in you isn’t it that’s why
24:42you’ve got to go inward to it so it’s like no matter what changes outwardly inwardly you’re still there right you’re
24:48still going you’re still turning up where you go there you
24:53are can’t outrun yourself I think for me that my breakthrough moment which is is
24:58I’m going to be with me for the rest of my life so either I learn to like myself
25:03or I’m going to be pretty darn miserable in those moments of solitude because
25:09you’re with somebody you don’t want to spend any time with and that’s a bit that’s a bit sad it is and people think that that if
25:17they go inward they might discover that they really aren’t worthwhile and they
25:22really aren’t good enough it’s going to have to somehow prove G to prove that so
25:28they rather not go there and um and I’ve worked with a lot of Executives and I can guarantee that there is nobody who’s
25:35ever found that because because it’s a false premise so you know it’s you’re not
25:41going to to to find the the truth of a false premise no and I think that I love
25:48that because we we also we believe the things we say about ourselves and we don’t we we believe that the people
25:54think them too so you know I I know for many years you I would externalize my
26:00awful things I said about myself go well they might think this or they’ll think that think the other think never asked
26:05anybody stupid and ask anybody and then I was given an exercise where I had to
26:11go and ask people um friends family and colleagues as part of my development H and say I really need you to be honest I
26:18really want to work on on developing myself could you tell me one or two things that you think are my strengths
26:23and one or two things where you think I’d get in my own way um when the feedback came back it was almost
26:30unanimous my strengths were Brave and fearless and I was like I don’t really get that I live in fear every minute of
26:37every day fear that I’m going to be found out fear that people are going to realize that I’m just a hairdresser and I shouldn’t be here really I shouldn’t
26:43be doing these things whatever you know script was going on in my head and so I said I said could you could you just
26:49help me I don’t get it could you just explain in a bit more detail um and and they were like Kim you will literally up
26:56sticks and move somewhere where you know nobody body for you’re not 100% convinced you can do and I was like and
27:03they said we think that’s Brave and fearless no interesting I thought you all thought I
27:08was flighty and a little bit stupid but so I my life on the fact
27:15that’s what you think of me where in reality I have to W up and go that’s what I think of me yeah um and therefore
27:22the opinion I need to change is in here H and it’s therefore chasing the I used
27:27to be like a of course junky I’ve got more certificates qualif than than I
27:33know what to do with um because I was like well if I could just learn one more thing if I could just learn one more thing if then that would be okay um but
27:41it was never okay because I wasn’t changing that belief that was following me wherever I went I was just um
27:49Plastering the cracks with another certification it’s that stretch I mean
27:54that that that never have it feeling like you quite have enough qualifications qualifications in
28:00particular sometimes it’s you know money or possessions but often it’s qualifications um That’s a classic SYM
28:06of imposter syndrome yeah and and and you’re absolutely right you know you can have this great long list and it will
28:12never it will never prove to yourself that you’re good enough it cannot and
28:19but you still have this urge well if I just got one more maybe that I soon so
28:24this is you just repeating the same solution and over and over and and hope
28:29that an imposter syndrome will go away eventually and that’s as a
28:35strategy not bad in in other areas of life but in terms of imposter syndrome
28:41it will never solve the problem so that’s the unfortunate part of it but when you realize that and you realize oh
28:50this urge that I have to get another course is a symptom of stress yeah right
28:58this is me trying to find a solution to the stress that I’m under when you realize that’s it it’s like okay so it’s
29:06really not about the course at all it’s for me I’m under massive stress and I’m desperate to find a solution ah now you
29:14say you know choices now now you can go now you can open up what your options are because you know what the real
29:20problem is and the real problem isn’t just getting another course certificate yeah I love that because very often in
29:26life as you pointed out so eloquently earlier on so often in life we’re busy fixing symptoms instead of understanding
29:33what the cause is and then all that happens is they pop up somewhere else like
29:40hello here um so I think it is it’s that it’s that understanding first that um
29:47that there is a it’s your belief system that needs an upgrade and and you for me
29:52the reason I wish use that language of it’s you know a system that use an upgrade nobody builds a system expecting it to be flawed nobody wants it to be
30:00flawed nobody purposefully puts the bugs in there they’re there because they did the best that they could with the
30:05information at the time and therefore when we go and do an upgrade and we start fixing those books there’s no
30:11blame to be attached to any of those either from the original developer or from or from the operator themselves
30:18because there weren’t it wasn’t the intention that they turned up it was the impact that they’re there it’s the
30:24impact we’ve got to deal with but the intention was always honorable the intention is always to do the right
30:29thing and and for me that’s helped me to to go and address those bits where
30:35you go well I don’t want to I don’t really want to go down that route because what if that means I’m ending up saying it was my family’s fault or it
30:42was somebody else’s and I don’t believe that you know I don’t believe that want to believe that either um once I realize
30:49that’s not the case what you’re saying is they everyone did the best they could with the information they knew at the time we now have better
30:55information great it um make it work for us that became something that you I was
31:01much more able to embrace wholeheartedly because it didn’t come with guilt either
31:08of self or of loved ones yes and I think that’s so important that that that not
31:14blaming right there’s there is there is an an innocence to this belief we took
31:19it on as innocent children and we didn’t know our parents taught us as innocent
31:26because they were never taught Tau and their and their parents you know it goes It goes all the way back I don’t I don’t
31:33even know how far back it go I don’t think we can even say because it’s it’s
31:39pervasive and unless we’re specifically taught to separate out our actions from
31:47our worth then the default that the vast majority of humans have is that they’re
31:53the same and that’s and that’s the problem right no you’re right nobody’s
31:59fault there’s no to blame and if you go in with that then it’s easier to to walk
32:04through this journey because you know that it’s not going to condemn you or or blame anyone else I love that um I could
32:12chat to you all day but you’ve already shared some amazing Insight could you could you end before
32:19we let people know how to get in touch with you um with what’s the one thing that if you could go back and give your
32:25younger self some advice what would you what would it be you know what there’s there’s this
32:30lovely um song there’s a there’s a there’s a band called Hill song and they’ve got
32:36this song called dear younger me and it’s exactly that if I went if I knew them would I know now you know what what
32:43would I tell myself and their words were it’s not your
32:48fault and and and for me that’s a very very powerful statement I mean I’d
32:54probably elaborate a bit more right that you have this belief that your worth
32:59depends on who you are but it doesn’t when you were born you were an absolute Miracle right you
33:06didn’t need to do anything you didn’t need to earn anybody’s a favor or anything like that you you you totally
33:13lovable totally worthy and nothing’s changed you as a human being you are
33:20still that person and what you do can
33:25never affect it and that that would set me that would have set me free and that’s that is that that sets everyone
33:32free when they when they get to that oh I love that and I I most my little girl
33:37poor soul um is literally the spitting image of me when I was the same age in fact she saw a picture the other day she
33:44went Mommy it’s me and I I never dressed you like that I was awful 1970s outfit was
33:54like but for me that makes it much easier because when I look at when I see a new pictures of me it’s like it is
34:00like talking to your younger self I wish I knew then I can hope share
34:05with her now go like don’t like don’t believe resp you know I wish I knew that
34:11um we are always enough and there’s nothing we can’t do if we’re willing to try um and it it so I I love that I know
34:20you’re right it would set set you free so how make how can people get in touch with you and what do they get in touch
34:26with you about right okay so so the work that I do is onetoone work with with
34:32business owners leaders Executives and take them through oneto one my specific
34:37program called inner success to get rid of impostor syndrome and you know jumpstart them um so that’s that’s the
34:44work that I do what I’m doing right now is I’m a I’m actually doing a research project so I’ve I’ve got this fantastic
34:52program if I can say that myself with all modesty it gets amazing results in fact it gets
34:58better results than any other published approach to imposter syndrome so I’m very proud of it um so I’ve worked with
35:06people and I’ve trained another coach to to work with people and they all get consistently excellent results I’ve been
35:12challenged now say okay is this just because you’re a brilliant
35:18coach is this you know I need to prove that it’s reproducible with the same
35:24system with any facilitator so I’m training up 30 coaches to facilitate my
35:31program and for those coaches I need case study clients and a case study
35:38clients they’ll still get oneto one and I’ll be supervising them their experienced coaches so they they get
35:43they get the whole um inner success transformation
35:48that that’s doing so well um but because it’s research I’m trying to make it as cheap as possible so it’s really really
35:55cheap it’s it’s 97 5 plus fat which is 133% of what an executive would pay is
36:03very small so this is starting um uh the doors open on the 1st of September so
36:10we’re very close um and uh um we’ll be starting the actual program in in in the
36:17middle of October so if you’re over 33 this is the research
36:24program that’s demographic so if you’re over 33 and you’re in a leadership
36:30business owner managerial role and you want to get rid of imposter syndrome then if you go to my website which is
36:37outsmart imposter syndrome. comom go to my website and you can click on that and
36:44take a look at the details and see if it’s right for you and we were talking about being aware and then taking action
36:51so this is the taking action part of it perfect and I will make sure in the show
36:56notes below um will have all of the ways to contact UM Tara and also a link to
37:01that case study group uh and all the social media Tara it’s been a joy as
37:07always thank you so very much for coming on and sharing such wisdom and insight into something that affects so many
37:13people so thank you so much absolute pleasure Kim this has been great and a
37:18brilliant conversation with you I have to say this has been fun bless you thank you so much and for everybody watching
37:24and listening until next time take care
37:32he
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