Authentic Achievements – Supporting IISAD
Authentic Achievements – Supporting IISAD We must highlight this prevalent yet often overlooked phenomenon as we approach the fourth International Imposter Syndrome Awareness Day (IISAD) on 13th April. In this episode, we delve into the depths of imposter syndrome, offering support and strategies for those grappling with their inner imposter.
Episode Highlights: Understanding Imposter Syndrome: We explore what imposter syndrome is and its pervasive impact on individuals across various walks of life. From high achievers to seasoned professionals, it can affect anyone, hindering their ability to recognise their own accomplishments.
– Embracing Authenticity: Our discussion centres around the concept of authentic achievements. By acknowledging our unique strengths and accomplishments, we can begin to combat feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Through authenticity, we pave the way for genuine confidence to flourish.
– Overcoming Fear: Fear often lies at the root of imposter syndrome, holding individuals from reaching their full potential. We provide practical strategies for confronting and overcoming these fears, empowering listeners to step into their confidence and embrace their capabilities.
– Supporting IISAD: As advocates for mental health and self-empowerment, we stand in solidarity with International Imposter Syndrome Awareness Day. By raising awareness and fostering open dialogue, we aim to destigmatise imposter syndrome and support those who may be silently struggling.
Join the Conversation: We invite you to tune in and join us on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Whether grappling with imposter syndrome or seeking to support others in their journey, this episode is a beacon of hope and encouragement. Together, let’s cultivate a culture of authenticity and celebrate every individual’s inherent worth and achievements. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Your achievements are valid, and your voice matters.
Let’s navigate the path towards confidence and self-assurance, one authentic step at a time. You can find out more at www.iisad.org
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this episode are for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. If you are experiencing severe symptoms related to imposter syndrome or any mental health concerns, please seek support from qualified professionals.
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Transcript:
hello and welcome to today’s session
0:02about overcoming impostor syndrome and
0:04how to break free from the fear the
0:08doubt the crippling sometimes lack of
0:12confidence in being able to move forward
0:15that I know from my own experience can
0:18be just debilitating so let’s get stuck
0:21in before we get started I thought I’d
0:24share with you a little bit about me um
0:27so I’m Kimel I’m co-founder of
0:29international imposter syndrome
0:31awareness day I’m a certified learning
0:33and performance professional and I’m a
0:34long-term sufferer of imposter syndrome
0:37it seems like no matter how many
0:39accolades how many awards how many um
0:42people tell you that you’re good at
0:44something sometimes our ability to doubt
0:47it in ourselves our belief that actually
0:49if only they knew that we’re somehow a
0:52fraud can be just so difficult to live
0:57with and that’s really what we’re trying
0:59to to talk to you about today so I’d
1:02like to start by saying good morning
1:03good afternoon good evening from
1:05wherever you are listening and watching
1:07I hope that you’re going to find the
1:09next few minutes helpful and give you
1:12some strategies for those moments of
1:16doubt and also give you some comfort and
1:18some confidence that you’re not alone
1:21that many of us have felt like this so
1:23I’d like to thank you for joining me
1:25today as we embark on our journey to
1:27explore the phenomenon that affects us
1:29that is imposter
1:32syndrome so let’s start by what is it so
1:36imposter syndrome is a psychological
1:38pattern where individuals doubt their
1:40accomplishments and fear being exposed
1:42as a fraud despite evidence of their
1:44competence and nagging feeling that
1:46you’re not capable or as capable as
1:48others perceive you to be and that
1:50you’ll be found out sooner or later it
1:52was originally identified in the late
1:551970s uh and it was identified
1:58originally as a female only phenomenon
2:02but research subsequently has shown that
2:04actually this is gender agnostic it
2:07doesn’t matter our age our race our
2:10gender our culture imposter syndrome can
2:13impact us at any time and in fact
2:15research shows that over 70% of us will
2:18suffer from feelings of imposter
2:20syndrome at some point in our
2:25life into the roots of this fear the
2:28fear within as it were imposer syndrome
2:30often stems from various sources such as
2:33perfectionism unrealistic expectations
2:36comparisons a lack of self-confidence it
2:39thrives in environments where success is
2:41measured by external validation rather
2:43than personal fulfillment and very often
2:46particularly in our current um
2:49environment in our current Society we do
2:52live in a Despair and compared Society
2:54We compare ourselves to the seemingly
2:56perfect lives of others and despair our
2:59our own messy reality and it can leave
3:03us feeling very inadequate very behind
3:06where we’re supposed to be and that just
3:08adds to that doubt that anything we have
3:11achieved really should be
3:14ours so let’s work through a little bit
3:16of the definition and history so as
3:19we’ve said imposter syndrome is a
3:21psychological phenomenon characterized
3:23by persistent feelings of inadequacy
3:25despite evidence of success impost
3:28syndrome was first conceptualized by
3:30psychologists Pauline Clans and suzan M
3:33in the 1970s it was 1978 to be exact and
3:38originally as we’ve said it was
3:39identified as female only although
3:42research now shows that actually this
3:44impacts all of us or can impact all of
3:47us at any point
3:51anywhere and here are just some of the
3:55types of imposter syndrome you can get
3:57the self- diminisher the person who
3:59stays under the radar that tries not to
4:01be found out that wants to ensure no
4:03one’s really looking at them I was
4:06definitely in that camp I remember
4:08somebody introducing me once at a
4:09training session as the person who’d
4:11made self- diminishing um her life form
4:15um which was quite a harsh feedback at
4:17the time then we’ve got the
4:18procrastinator they delay things to
4:20avoid a bad outcome you’ve got the
4:22people pleaser they’re safe as long as
4:25others like me I definitely fell into
4:27that camp as well and you sometimes lose
4:30yourself because you’re so busy trying
4:32to be what everybody else needs you to
4:33be you forget to be what you need you to
4:36be overworked so over preparation long
4:40hours always on and the perfectionist
4:44the wanting to produce 100% perfect
4:46outcome and only looking at the areas
4:49that went wrong so never seeing the
4:51things that went well only ever
4:53concentrating on the things that went
4:55badly I think at some point I’ve had all
4:58of these occasionally all at the same
5:01time um and it can be just so tiring and
5:05the other thing is you absolutely
5:07believe you’re the only person that’s
5:08going through it and you can’t talk
5:10about it because talking about it would
5:13mean actually owning up to the fact that
5:15you feel like an impostor then you’ll
5:17definitely be found out to be a fraud so
5:19we don’t talk about it and that’s one of
5:21the things we’re trying to change
5:23because talking about it really can help
5:26you to overcome those feelings of
5:28self-doubt and get better validation so
5:32what are some common signs and symptoms
5:34self-doubt so people experiencing poster
5:37syndrome often doubt their abilities and
5:38their accomplishments often attributing
5:41their success to look rather than
5:44ability you’ve got perfectionism
5:46individuals setting excessively high
5:48standards for themselves and fearing
5:50failure you’ve got the overworking
5:53individuals with imposter syndrome May
5:55engage in overworking overpreparing to
5:57compensate for their perceived
5:59inadequate ques they have a fear of
6:01being evaluated and being evaluated
6:04gives them another opportunity to be
6:06exposed as a fraud and that results in
6:08anxiety when associated with evaluations
6:11or feedback from others fear that it’s
6:13going to tell them what they already
6:16fear to be true when very often it tells
6:19them the exact opposite and discounting
6:22success individuals with imposter
6:24syndrome May downplay or diminish their
6:27achievements attributing them to lurk or
6:29external validation or even down to some
6:33other contributing factor um I remember
6:36once assuming I’d been given an award
6:38because they’d got a point to make to
6:40other people how ridiculous was that but
6:43at the time I genuinely believed it to
6:45be true and that’s what imposter
6:47syndrome can do to us it can make us
6:48believe the
6:51ridiculous but the first thing about
6:54imposter syndrome that really helped me
6:56was when I realized I wasn’t alone that
6:58actually other people suffer from it and
7:01even some of the most successful
7:03individuals have grappled with imposter
7:05syndrome one for me that that um really
7:08surprised me was Albert Einstein had
7:11suffered from imposter syndrome someone
7:14globally recognized as a genius H and I
7:16think he has a quote that says uh
7:18something along the lines of the esteem
7:20within which my works are held leave me
7:22feeling like an unlikely swindler so
7:25even somebody like him and you’ve got
7:27Maya Angelo who Shar shared that she’d
7:30written 11 books but each time she
7:32thought they’re going to find out I’ve
7:34run a game on everyone they’re going to
7:35find me out I’m not good enough for this
7:38and yet again somebody recognized
7:40globally for the impact that she’s had
7:42you’ve got Tom Hanks who is always so
7:47brilliant at bringing characters to life
7:49as making us believe in them and he said
7:52no matter what you’ve done there comes a
7:53point when you think how did I get here
7:55where are they’re going to discover that
7:56I’m in fact a fraud and take everything
7:58away from me
8:00we’ve got Michelle Obama who said she
8:02still sometimes feels like a fraud it
8:04doesn’t go away that feeling that you
8:05shouldn’t take me that seriously and I
8:08think that’s the thing with imposter
8:09syndrome I don’t think it does ever go
8:12away you know we’ve talked about today’s
8:14session being overcoming it for me
8:16overcoming it is learning those
8:17strategies to be able to catch it in
8:20those moments where it’s taking over and
8:23get yourself back in control just a few
8:26more people that have suffered with it
8:27Emma Watson who said it’s almost like
8:30the better I do the more my feelings of
8:31inadequacy actually increase because I’m
8:34going any moment someone’s going to find
8:36out I’m a total fraud and that I don’t
8:37deserve any of what I’ve achieved that’s
8:39so common with the people that I’ve
8:41spoke to over the last six years
8:43researching imposter syndrome why we do
8:46it what it does to us you’ve got Neil
8:48Gaiman who’s had the first problem of
8:50any kind of even limited success is the
8:53unshakable conviction that you’re
8:54getting away with something and that any
8:56moment now they’ll discover you and this
8:58for me really really leads to an
9:00important point we talk about imposter
9:01syndrome and imposter is fraud and fraud
9:04as we know is wrong and that further
9:06adds to those feelings that this is
9:10wrong that we shouldn’t be doing this
9:11that we’re going to get in so much
9:13trouble um and people are going to be so
9:17disappointed in us that actually that
9:20feeds that underlying imposter syndrome
9:23there words remind us that imposter
9:25syndrome can affect anyone regardless of
9:26achievements but hopefully inspires us
9:29to push through our doubts and embrace
9:30our capabilities I personally believe
9:32instead of it being impostor syndrome
9:35it’s actually the symptoms of being an
9:37insecure overachiever because you only
9:39start to develop these concerns these
9:42fears when you’ve achieved something as
9:45Neil said even limited success can drive
9:48us to that belief that any moment it’s
9:51going to get taken away and that we
9:53didn’t really earn
9:56it so how do we break free
10:01Breaking Free from the clutches of
10:03imposter syndrome isn’t easy but it is
10:05possible as I said earlier it isn’t
10:07about overcoming it and never facing it
10:10again because you never know when you’re
10:11going to come up against another
10:13situation get another Accolade another
10:15reward be offered another opportunity
10:18that’s going to get those old feelings
10:20of impostor syndrome coming back but
10:22it’s about learning some strategies to
10:26cope and recover in those moments the
10:29first first one is to acknowledge your
10:31feelings recognize when you’re
10:33experiencing Posta syndrome sometimes
10:35simply acknowledging its presence can
10:37lessen its power over you for me one of
10:40the things I do and it drops into both
10:42acknowledging your feelings and then
10:43reframing your thoughts is taking myself
10:46through a through a three-step process
10:48so the first is I have to acknowledge
10:50that actually I I feeling out of my
10:53depth I’m feeling like a fraud I’m
10:55feeling like I could get this wrong and
10:58very often that
10:59my subconscious brain which is my happy
11:01little helper running back into the
11:03library of my brain and finding all of
11:05those times all of those examples where
11:07I messed up where I got it wrong where I
11:09did something that didn’t go as well as
11:11expected but the next thing I need to do
11:14is start reframing my thinking so
11:17challenging that selft talk and instead
11:19of dwelling on every time I got it wrong
11:21focusing on my strengths and my past
11:23achievements so I ask myself okay I can
11:26get it wrong but have there been any
11:28examples where I got this right and that
11:31subconscious brain that happy little
11:32helper runs straight back in there and
11:34finds all the times where you got it
11:37right where you were awarded something
11:39where people said thank you where people
11:41came back to you years later to let you
11:43know about the positive impact you’d had
11:47and therefore I can now look at it and
11:49go okay I can get this wrong absolutely
11:51I can but I can also get it right so
11:55what am I going to focus on the fear
11:57that I will get it wrong or the hope
11:59that I’ll get it right because both of
12:01those are created in the same brain
12:03they’re both equally credible and so I
12:07choose to focus on the fact that I’m
12:09capable I have what it takes I’m going
12:12to try because if I don’t try then I’ve
12:15definitely failed and the other thing I
12:18do is borrow people’s belief the one
12:20thing for me that was a massive
12:21breakthrough was that moment when I
12:23realized that I was inadvertently making
12:27my opinion that I wasn’t very good and
12:29that I was a fraud and that nobody
12:31should give me any
12:33credibility I was making that more
12:36credible more believable more
12:40justifiable than the feedback and the
12:42belief of from people that I admired and
12:45aspired to be like because these people
12:48were giving me opportunities they were
12:50giving me Awards they were giving me
12:52accolades and and recognition and every
12:54time I was dismissing it as If Only They
12:57Knew instead of looking at it and going
12:59I value their opinion more than I value
13:01mine so why don’t I just borrow their
13:03belief in me and do my very best not to
13:07let them down and for me I often will
13:10hold on to that I will often borrow
13:12somebody’s belief to just give me the
13:14extra boost I need to get through
13:17whatever challenge that I’m
13:21facing I also had to learn to embrace
13:23imperfection I’d spent years trying to
13:26be a perfectionist and failing dismally
13:28because as human beings we are perfectly
13:31imperfect in fact it’s our imperfection
13:33that is our Perfection but I didn’t
13:36understand that once I understood that
13:38Perfection is unattainable and it’s
13:41exhausting it allowed me to be able to
13:43look at what can I learn from that
13:46imperfection so instead of seeing the
13:48mistake as being the thing that defines
13:50me I realized that it isn’t the mistake
13:53it’s what I do with it it’s being able
13:55to embrace my flaws and embrace my
13:57mistakes as opportunities to grow to
14:00learn to develop to do something else
14:02because I am as we all are a work in
14:05progress and every day gives us another
14:08opportunity to do something a little bit
14:11different like I say with my little girl
14:13you everything comes down to choice we
14:16made a choice and it might not have
14:17resulted the way we wanted to but the
14:19beauty of choices is the minute we’ve
14:22made one we can immediately make a
14:24different one um and I think that’s the
14:26same as I’ve been going through imposter
14:28syndrome it’s that part says yes I can
14:30be mean to myself and I’ve spoken to
14:32myself in ways that I would never speak
14:35to another human being but I can also
14:37choose to speak to myself more kindly um
14:41another key point for me was seeking
14:43support surrounding yourself with a
14:45supportive network of friends families
14:47mentors colleagues who believe in you
14:49sharing your feelings with them so you
14:50realize you’re not alone in this
14:51struggle and one for me that I highly
14:54recommend is get yourself a Thrive Hive
14:57there’s four or five people that you can
14:59call on in those moments of self-doubt
15:02who you trust who you know have got your
15:05back who have got your best interests at
15:07heart that will include the critical
15:10best friend the person who will tell you
15:11your bum looks big in it before you go
15:13out not when you’ve been out three hours
15:14thinking you look great but also the
15:16person that will just sit with you in
15:18silence whilst you gather your own
15:21strength and your own thoughts for me
15:23I’ve got somebody in there that’s going
15:25to give me the kick up the pants that I
15:26often need but I’ve also got someone in
15:29they’ll sugar the pill for those moments
15:31where I’m not really ready yet for that
15:32tough love but surrounding yourself with
15:35with that Hive of people that are going
15:37to be there to support you is an amazing
15:41resource and I’m hugely privileged to
15:44also be part of a number of other
15:46people’s Thrive hives so it really does
15:47help you build that um Network community
15:51and support and the other one is to set
15:53realistic goals to break down your goals
15:56into smaller achievable tasks and then
15:58celebr each Milestone along the way one
16:01of the things I used to be really guilty
16:02of is once I achieved one of the
16:06Milestones I got through it I didn’t
16:08spend any time going oh that was good I
16:10moved I would just like but I’m still
16:12not at the Finish Line I’m still not the
16:13Finish Line I’ve still got to go further
16:15and I had um someone I was coaching who
16:18really struggled with this setting
16:20realistic goals they’d set such big
16:22goals that actually when they come back
16:24like I haven’t achieved it and You’ like
16:27okay but it’s only been two weeks did
16:29you really think that you could achieve
16:31that in two weeks and they were like
16:33well no obviously it was going to take
16:35longer so you’ve got to break it down so
16:37that you can hold yourself to account
16:39about whether or not you have done
16:42enough um where you expected to be was
16:45that plausible was it likely um and then
16:47celebrate that rather than set the goal
16:50so large that all you’re ever going to
16:52do is find yourself feeling
16:57unworthy
17:00so when we’ve embraced perfe
17:02imperfection we’ um we’ve sought support
17:05we’ve set realistic goals we need to
17:07practice self-compassion treat ourselves
17:09with the same kindness and understanding
17:11that you’d offer a friend be gentle with
17:13yourself during moments of self-doubt
17:15and failure allow yourself to be your
17:18own best friend instead of your own
17:20inner critic I know for me I talk to
17:23myself in ways that I would never talk
17:26to other people great example was just
17:29before I did my tedex a few years ago
17:31and somebody came and gave me some
17:33feedback afterwards they said it was
17:35fascinating we watched you and before
17:37everybody else’s performance you helped
17:39them with their hair with their makeup
17:41um you gave them a great pep talk about
17:43what an amazing talk they were going to
17:45give um and how they were going to be so
17:47brilliant at it and you were really
17:49really supportive and then they watched
17:51what I did to myself before I went on
17:54and I looked at myself in the reflection
17:57of the glass door in the corridor
17:59outside and said just get over yourself
18:02it’s 12 minutes and no one’s going to
18:05die and the difference
18:08in how I would talk to myself versus how
18:11I would talk to others was a real moment
18:13for me that was like actually I need to
18:16to look at myself and say what if this
18:19were my best friend if this were my
18:20daughter if this was somebody I loved in
18:23this situation saying this now what
18:25would I say to them and now I do my best
18:27to say that to my myself to catch myself
18:30when I’m being mean and go no that’s not
18:32very kind I wouldn’t say that to anybody
18:34else and that’s not what I’m going to
18:35say to myself either and although it is
18:38definitely a work in progress it really
18:40does help me get present to the
18:45moment and finally I guess for me the
18:48ultimate breakthrough for me was
18:51embracing my authenticity it’s one of
18:53the reasons that I branded my company or
18:56rebranded my company to be more precise
18:59as authentic achievements because I
19:02finally decided that I needed to embrace
19:04being me ws and all and that as long as
19:08my intentions were honorable and as long
19:10as I took accountability and kept
19:12learning that actually being me was okay
19:16yes I’ve got
19:18flaws but I’ve also got strengths and
19:21I’ve got a drive to develop my flaws to
19:26find ways to improve them to be a better
19:29version of myself today than I was
19:31yesterday that’s been my new goal for
19:34five and a half years and I’m still a
19:37work in progress but I’m grateful to say
19:41that every day I am a better person than
19:44I was the day before and that’s the best
19:47I can hope for as long as I keep going
19:50and keep looking at the fact that we’ve
19:54got to get that validation from within
19:56because no amount of external validation
19:59is going to help unless you can do the
20:01introspective looking at yourself and
20:04saying what are the bits in here that I
20:06like what are the things that I’m proud
20:10of as well as what are the things that I
20:12don’t like and I’d like to change but
20:14unless we start to look at ourselves in
20:15Balance life becomes a really
20:18challenging place to
20:21be so as we come to the end now of our
20:24discussion I wanted to leave you with
20:25this thought that you’re not an impostor
20:28that worthy you’re capable that you
20:30deserve to be here that you should
20:32embrace your uniqueness and let your
20:34authentic self shine and I’d like to
20:37thank you for giving me your time for
20:41spending these moments with you and I
20:44hope that you found this helpful if
20:46there’s anything else I can do to help
20:48and support please do get in touch drop
20:51something down in the comments and also
20:54don’t forget to head over to our website
20:57IAD .org where there’s a whole range of
21:01free resources guides to resilience to
21:05self-compassion and to selfcare to help
21:07you I hope this has been useful thank
21:10you for staying with me
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