Embracing Leadership and Emotional Intelligence: Insights from Danita Cummings on “Authentic Achievements”
In the latest episode of “Authentic Achievements,” the host converses profoundly with Danita Cummings, a seasoned career and business coach with nearly 30 years of experience in the Department of Defense. Danita’s journey is a testament to resilience, faith, and the power of emotional intelligence in leadership. This blog post delves into the episode’s key themes and actionable insights, offering a comprehensive guide for listeners to apply these lessons in their own lives.
The Power of Reflection and Journaling
The Spiritual Circle Journal
Danita shares a moving story about a friend who, during a particularly challenging period in her life, created a spiritual circle journal. This journal became a transformative sanctuary for her to express her thoughts and feelings amidst the chaos of managing three small children. Danita underscores the profound impact of this journaling model, particularly in recognising patterns over time. Her story is a testament to the power of journaling for personal growth and self-awareness.
Identifying Patterns and Limiting Beliefs
By revisiting her journal entries, Danita identifies recurring struggles and limiting beliefs, such as imposter syndrome. She likens this process to a systems engineering approach, where one can analyse one’s emotional landscape and gain insights into one’s behaviour and feelings. Documenting experiences provides clarity and understanding, empowering one to navigate difficult moments and take control of one’s growth journey.
Actionable Advice
Start a Journaling Routine: Dedicate a few minutes daily to write down your thoughts and feelings. This practice can help you identify patterns and gain insights into your emotional state.
Reflect on Patterns: Review your journal entries to identify recurring themes and limiting beliefs. This can help you understand and address underlying issues.
Daily Practices for Emotional Awareness
Journaling for Impact and Lessons Learned
Danita shares her journaling routine, which includes reflecting on who she impacted that day and what lessons she learned. This practice not only helps her recognise positive outcomes but also allows her to identify moments of unnecessary worry.
Embracing Emotions
Drawing from her late friend’s wisdom, Danita reminds listeners that feelings are transient, like clouds passing through the sky. She encourages embracing emotions without judgment, validating the audience’s own emotional experiences and reassuring them that it’s okay to feel and process them rather than suppressing or ignoring them.
Actionable Advice
Daily Reflection: At the end of each day, reflect on your interactions and the lessons learned. This can help you recognise positive outcomes and areas for improvement.
Embrace Emotions: Allow yourself to feel and process emotions without judgment. This fosters emotional intelligence and resilience.
Creating Psychological Safety in Leadership
The Importance of Psychological Safety
Danita emphasises the importance of creating an environment where team members feel safe to express their emotions and thoughts. She reflects on how leaders often become the topic of conversation at home, highlighting the impact of their leadership style on their families and communities.
Leadership Beyond High-Profile Positions
Leadership is not limited to high-profile positions; it encompasses various roles, including parenting and community involvement. Danita and Kim-Adele stress that leaders are responsible for caring for and influencing others, which requires self-awareness and emotional labour.
Actionable Advice
Foster Open Communication: Create an environment where team members feel safe to express their thoughts and emotions. This can enhance trust and collaboration.
Lead with Empathy: Recognise each person’s humanity and lead with compassion. This can create a more supportive and understanding workplace.
Navigating Uncomfortable Conversations
The Necessity of Difficult Discussions
Danita shares her experience with a course called “Crucial Conversations,” which teaches individuals how to engage in difficult discussions effectively. She emphasises the importance of addressing issues head-on rather than avoiding them.
Getting Comfortable with Discomfort
Kim-Adele adds that getting comfortable with discomfort is a vital lesson in leadership. By modelling this behaviour, leaders can instil confidence in their teams and reassure them that facing challenges together is okay.
Actionable Advice
Engage in Crucial Conversations: Address issues head-on rather than avoiding them. This fosters growth and understanding within teams.
Model Comfort with Discomfort: Show your team that it’s okay to face challenges together. This can instil confidence and resilience.
The Role of Emotions in Leadership
Bringing Your Whole Self to Work
Danita reiterates the significance of emotions in leadership. She believes everyone brings their whole self to work, and this personal aspect cannot be separated from professional responsibilities.
Enhancing Emotional Intelligence
Danita encourages listeners to take a moment to breathe and acknowledge the emotions present in any situation. This practice enhances emotional intelligence and fosters a culture of empathy and support.
Actionable Advice
Acknowledge Emotions: Take a moment to breathe and recognise the emotions in any situation. This can enhance emotional intelligence and empathy.
Foster a Culture of Support: Create an environment where team members feel supported and understood. This can enhance collaboration and morale.
Advice for the Younger Self
Embracing Joy and Presence
As the episode draws close, Danita reflects on the importance of having fun and being present in the moment. She acknowledges that there have been times when she has been too hard on herself, and she wishes she had embraced joy more fully.
Loving Oneself and Valuing Relationships
Danita’s advice centres on loving oneself and prioritising relationships with those around us. Focusing on the present and valuing the people in our lives can cultivate a more fulfilling and meaningful existence.
Actionable Advice
Embrace Joy: Allow yourself to have fun and be present in the moment. This can enhance your overall well-being and happiness.
Value Relationships: Prioritise the relationships with those around you. This can create a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
Connecting with Danita
For those interested in connecting with Danita, she invites listeners to visit her website, Facebook Instagram, or Entrusted to Lead podcast. where they can find links to her consulting services and ministry work. Danita primarily works with small—to medium-sized business owners, helping them with organisational growth consulting, strategic planning workshops, and leadership coaching. She also supports faith-driven leaders in bringing their authentic selves to their work.
This episode of “Authentic Achievements” offers valuable insights into the intersection of leadership, emotional intelligence, and personal growth. Danita Cummings’ experiences and wisdom remind us of the importance of reflection, vulnerability, and connection in our personal and professional lives. By embracing our emotions and fostering psychological safety, we can create environments that empower ourselves and those around us to thrive.
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Transcript : Automatically Transcribed With Podsqueeze
Kim-Adele Randall 00:00:08 Hello and welcome to this episode of Authentic Achievements, where it’s my absolute privilege to be joined by the fabulous Danita Cummings. Danita, welcome.
Danita Cummins 00:00:16 Thank you. Good morning. How are you?
Kim-Adele Randall 00:00:18 I’m good, thank you. How are you?
Danita Cummins 00:00:20 Good. Thank you.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:00:21 I’m so looking forward to this. And thank you so much for getting up so early to come and join us. But before we get stuck in, let me share a little bit more about you with the audience in case they don’t know you yet. So Denise is a seasoned career and business coach specialising in empowering leaders to launch impactful programs and overcome barriers to success. With nearly 30 years experience in the Department of Defense, she’s led teams across diverse sectors, from special operations to cutting edge technology to deployments. Denise’s coaching approach goes beyond the conventional, offering tailored solutions for today’s dynamic business landscapes. Whether it’s strategic planning, career development, defense acquisition or nonprofit management. She brings extensive expertise in managing multibillion dollar programs and international teams. Passionate about creating transformative experiences, Denita empowers leaders to make a positive impact.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:01:14 She hosts this podcast, Entrusted to Lead, where she delves into the leadership through faith driven values, and as founding director of the Alpha Live Pregnancy Center, she leads teams serving women, navigating pregnancy decisions, parenting, adoption, and infant loss. I mean, wow, what a lot of backing can you bring that to life for us a little bit more tonight and share with us your journey so far?
Danita Cummins 00:01:38 Sure. No, that’s that’s a great question. I think I like to tell people that it’s just been an evolution of doors opening and doors closing. You know, sometimes when I do a mentoring or when I have conversations with friends over coffee, they’re like, how did you get here? And I’m like, I don’t know, just a really, faith in a really good, you know, kind of like, life algorithm, I guess. but so I am originally from Oklahoma. Joined the military straight out of high school. kind of grew up in a little bit of contentious spaces. So, you know, there’s all of those things that we navigate, just emotional healing and kind of resiliency and things.
Danita Cummins 00:02:14 And then, was, married, divorced, remarried again. my husband, retired from the military. So, I spent a good bit of extra years after I got out as, a military service member, as a defense contractor, which enabled me to kind of, you know, flow and navigate, through a variety of different positions, different jobs. You know, it was kind of one of those things like we were moving again. So you kind of have to reinvent yourself and start over. we have four kids and all but one are launched into the world, and we have, two beautiful granddaughters. And so we’re kind of entering this next season of, you know, of being parents of grown children, which is a beautiful, beautiful thing. And so I, navigated my military career and civilian career, and then, worked for the Department of Army as a civilian for a few years. And then, like many people, you know, I lost lost jobs during Covid. You know, we we had shutdowns, we had different things.
Danita Cummins 00:03:13 So, had to kind of navigate those experiences, which enabled me to be where I am today as a consultant and coach. I really have a heart for founders, as a founder of a nonprofit and, as an entrepreneur, I’ve just always have this heart for the person that’s like trying to bring this idea to life. You know, they’re like 2 or 3:00 in the morning and they’re really struggling to like, you know, they have this beautiful idea or passion that they’re trying to bring to the world. So I have a great empathy for those people. And I now I have the chance to kind of come alongside them and, you know, help, help grow those. and then for about 13 years I’ve served in by vocational ministry, like you mentioned. So, through some of my own experiences, with, unplanned pregnancy and different things, I started serving in the pregnancy health Ministry several years ago. And that’s just been a beautiful evolution of, of hard things and beautiful things all wrapped up together, you know, in this thing we called life.
Danita Cummins 00:04:10 So, that’s another part where my, my entrepreneurial heart is just being a founder, going and going through being in the trenches every day, you know, helping families kind of rebuild, helping women see, their identity, you know, their faith. A faith is a big piece of my life. And so that’s really kind of the catalyst for what I do today, is trying to see that, infusion of our faith in all the aspects of who we are, right? we kind of compartmentalize and segment things. But the beautiful thing about faith is like, it lives through all of you. And so it’s just this new kind of season that I’m on where I’m trying to help bring that together, you know, in leadership and business and kind of where we where we work and serve us as humans. So that’s kind of a big picture where we are. Yeah.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:04:54 I love it. And I think, you know, like life does give us more than the odd plot twist, isn’t it? And I think they’re the bits that, there always were the greatest growth is.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:05:03 And if life’s taught me anything, it’s that everything in it is a lesson, a blessing, or both. And therefore, when I don’t feel blessed, I look for the lesson. And there’s the blessing wrapped up in there. Because, as you say, the faith piece runs to all aspects of us and and gives us that resilience, doesn’t it? In those moments where it all feels too much or feels like, it can’t be overcome, and you’re taking your entrepreneurial piece and applying that alongside your faith to those different areas, because that brings with it strikes me that as well as being that heartfelt piece, it’s it’s that, creativity and problem solving drive that is within all entrepreneurs, isn’t it? The desire to solve something, to make things better.
Danita Cummins 00:05:53 Yeah, that’s very true.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:05:55 So what would you say has been the greatest lesson you’ve learned so far.
Danita Cummins 00:06:00 Oh my goodness, that’s so hard. that, the sun comes up tomorrow and I say that in just not a flippant way, you know, just like there are so many times in my life where the door closed, I was just having this conversation with my husband the other night because I came home from a conference, and I was in that, like, sitting on the floor in my office, you know, weeping like I can’t do it anymore.
Danita Cummins 00:06:24 so it’s not all rainbows and like, passion and hope, but there are definitely hard days. but I think the thing is, like, you get to this place in your life where you’re like, the door closes. And so you have two choices really. You know, candidly, at the end of the day, you can choose to move forward and open the door that’s in front of you, even though you don’t know what’s on the other side. Or you can just kind of give up, you know? And for most of us, we don’t give up even though we want to. To your point, like, it’s not all shiny and fun. It’s not. It’s hard. Life is hard. and there’s a season of rest. And in the resting, you know, that’s super important for, like, our hearts and our minds and and our souls. but I think that’s the one thing is just like, even though there’s a door in front of me, even though I don’t know what’s on the other side, again, my faith is bigger, right? I say faith is like a muscle.
Danita Cummins 00:07:09 It gets stronger the more that you use it, and sometimes you got to use it in the hard spaces. and so that’s the kind of the biggest lesson I think, that I’ve learned is like, as long as I’m breathing, as long as there’s air in my lungs, you know what I mean? As long as I wake up tomorrow that there’s hope and I just, you know, trust and pray and breathe and open the door and, you know, and walk through and and see what’s on the other side.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:07:32 So I live that because I think it’s true. You know what? One of the things that I often remind myself of this too, will pass. Yeah. So whilst I’m thinking that this is the end of the world as I know it, it’s like it actually won’t be. You know it will. You will move on. We will come through that other side. And, one of my friends said to me once, you know, if you’re incredibly strong, incredibly stupid. And I said.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:07:59 believe in equal parts. I think when faced with something that I don’t know how to fix, I look at the one thing I do know how to fix, and I cling to that. Like the life raft in the messy sea of my mind and go. But just keep doing the thing I can see. Yes. Then. Yeah, maybe. And it’s, it strikes me that that’s kind of how you, how you’re approaching each of the navigations, as you call them, is looking for the thing that you can see. Would that be fair?
Danita Cummins 00:08:29 I think that is fair. And it’s interesting you say that because I’ve got to the season of my life right now. you know, we’ve had several like, losses. You know, we’ve lost a lot of family members and friends that are very close to us. And so part of that whatever, you know, part of the piece that I think, like you’re saying is the grieving process, which we skip over. So there is a real loss, you know, like you’re saying, when you get to the door, this door closed, that’s a loss, you know, of some big proportion or small proportion and we don’t really grieve.
Danita Cummins 00:08:59 Well, you know, we think grief is just in the dying or in the loss of someone, you know, but the grief is all the time, right? It’s this constant thing that’s always going in the background. You know, we’re constantly lost expectations, unmet expectations, these things. And we just kind of that’s just always going in the background and we don’t give it the space. So I think there’s that piece too, is learning to grieve the loss and let it be. Okay. but then the other piece too, is in this season where I’m very much going back to the, you know, what are the things that I know to be true and what do you have in your hand today? And we can all get super overwhelmed by the endless possibilities, like you’re saying, what about this, this, this? We do that all day long. Our brains do that right without even us letting, like, telling it. It has permission because it’s processing all the data for us. but there, there is this kind of like anchoring that comes back where you’re just like, what do you have in your hand? And that was a lesson that I learned years ago through working in the ministry and some really hard things.
Danita Cummins 00:09:56 And it was very much I came home one night and we had a family that was homeless and they had lost their house and, one of their children had passed away. They were just in a really hard space, and they were living in the van outside of our center, down the street at the park. And they came one night and it was cold. And they the husband had no shoes and they had no water, you know, do they just it was a really hard night. And I remember coming home that night to my warm house with my kids, ten pairs of shoes on the floor and my husband making dinner. And I was just I cried all the way home. And I walked in and I got there and my husband was like a hard night, And I said, yeah, yeah, it’s really hard, you know? And, he I told him the story, you know, as I sat with him at dinner and, at the end of it, he said, did you give them everything that you had done to.
Danita Cummins 00:10:40 And I said, yeah, I gave them everything I had, you know, I didn’t have a homeless shelter. I didn’t have a place for them to go, you know, but I gave him everything I had. And he said to me, he said, that’s all God asked you to do today. And I’ve lived in that reminder for probably ten years now. You know, every time something happens where I look at the emptiness of my hands and I’m like, I don’t. I don’t have the tool, I don’t have the knowledge, I don’t have the thing. And I go back to this. What do you have in your hand today, Danita? That’s all I ask you to do. Just use that one thing and I’m like, yes, Lord. Okay, just use this one thing today to help the one person standing in front of me to love them. Well, and then, you know, and then you just keep going. So yeah, I think that’s that’s where I am today, you know.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:11:21 Oh, wow. I love that because we can go. We can find ourselves lacking and all the things we haven’t been able to do. Instead of taking that moment of gratitude for all the things we were able to do, because giving all the things we were able to do improved the situation, it might not have solved it, but it improved it. and that’s such an enlightening place to get to, isn’t it? Is to go. It doesn’t mean to say you don’t want to still try and find solutions, but but to be able to give yourself that grace that says there was nothing else I could do right now, in this minute. I’ve given everything that I can, If I come up with something else later, I’ll come back. But. Right. Right now, in this minute. And it’s. It reminded me of, I read, Oprah Winfrey’s book. this I know for sure. I don’t know if you’ve read that. No. And that’s what she talks about. You know what she.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:12:18 When she comes to as soon as she asks herself, what do you know for sure or what? You know for certain what you absolutely, categorically. certain of and she’s that really helps us stop doing the overthinking and acknowledge that she’s doing what he wants her to do with what she’s got got at the moment. And as you were talking, it struck me that almost it’s the same thing. You’re kind of go, what do I know for sure that I can do? And then am I doing that? Am I right that. Yeah. Must come with, some, practice. I thought it was. I must go with some practice because, as you say, our little brains are, you know, constantly talking to us. They always think you want them to.
Danita Cummins 00:13:05 Yes, exactly.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:13:08 So how have you found the best way to kind of regain control of the narrative and say, well, that’s lovely, thank you. But right now we’re doing this.
Danita Cummins 00:13:17 That’s so that’s so good. That’s so funny.
Danita Cummins 00:13:19 Because, you know, my kids are big now. So, we I’ve had 25 years of being a mom. and so I laugh sometimes, you know, we kind of have a family joke where I’m like, there’s this, not nice lady who lives inside of me, and sometimes she comes out and she’s, like, crawling up the curtain, you know, I call it the cat and the curtain. And I’m like, so we’ll just put her in the closet for a minute. But when she gets out, she’s quick. You better catch her, you know? Because if not, she can wreak havoc really fast. So it’s kind of tongue in cheek, you know, we’re laughing, but but the but the truth is that that’s really, you know, a whole part of me, you know, I mean, it sounds really good on paper right now, but there’s still many days, like I said, this week, where I’m, like, still sitting on the floor, like, I can’t do it anymore.
Danita Cummins 00:13:59 yeah. But I think for me, there’s a couple of things that I’ve done. One, I go back to my faith in just in terms of like anchoring to the truth. And, I’ve spent this last season, you know, like, really focusing on I look at the nebulous ness of the world sometimes, like, like, you know, we talk about purpose or we talk about these things, or we talk about suffering. We talk about these really hard things, and they are confusing and overwhelming. And we’re searching for an answer to a mystical question that sometimes we’re not going to be able to find. And so I go back, I’ve been in this season of like, well, what do I what do I know? You know? And for me, my faith is like, I, I know that the promises of God are real and I can hold on to those, and they’re very tangible, and I can read them and I can touch them, you know, at some points in my life, like, you know, the, the promise that, you know, that God will never leave me, that there’s comfort in my suffering, that there’s grace upon grace upon grace, that there’s endless love like there are these things that I’ve just anchored myself to, in, in this new season of my life.
Danita Cummins 00:14:58 So whenever the world is offering all of this chaos or my mind is going crazy, I do. It’s a very practical, like, okay, peace, be still, take a breath. You know, like just what are the things that I know to be true? You know, I know these things as his truth. I know that his promises are eternal. I can hold on to those. And then and then anchoring myself to them. And then. And I do that a lot through journaling, you know? like, that’s my one best offer to any anyone and everyone. You know, I’m probably every week at the center when I’m coaching, I’m like, do you journal? And you know, and she’ll be like, no. Or even with with business owners, you know, like CEOs or visionary leaders who have all the ideas, you know, because that goes back to that, like where how that shows up in the business world. You know, we have this like apostleship gift where we want to write the things that are wrong.
Danita Cummins 00:15:46 You know, we see the, the brokenness or the, the things in the world, and we want to make things right. You know, that’s a gift that, you know, for my for my faith perspective. That’s a gift where you can see the opportunity, but the opportunities are so overwhelming because there are so many. so I sit down and I. I journal and I write it out. You know, my husband makes jokes now that anytime I start to, if I have a, a piece of poster board and some construction paper and stickers in the floor, he’s like, oh, here we go again, because it’s I just have to get it, you know, out. And yeah, so those are kind of the tactical ways, you know, like breath and and journaling and construction paper. Those are the, the things that seem to help me.
Danita Cummins 00:16:30 I love that because.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:16:31 I think sometimes you do. You just need to I often think I need to get it out and write it down so I can see it from a different perspective.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:16:38 And that sounds weird because it’s me that’s written it down and it was my thinking. But when I look at it and it’s written down, I see it from a different perspective. And, and I love the whole breathing piece. I do my little girl all the time. She gets herself overwhelmed at things and we use our hand, actually. And we like, go right, breathe out and breathe it. By the time you get to here. You’ve found a way of kind of recenter it to go. Now let’s look at what’s going on.
Danita Cummins 00:17:06 Yes. That’s so good. See, you see.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:17:09 How we want to do it? Because we all have that part in us, don’t we? That sometimes is the, you know, like the touch paper and stand back.
Danita Cummins 00:17:16 Yes.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:17:17 No, I should be calmly now explaining what we’re doing, but actually not feeling the arm.
Danita Cummins 00:17:22 I’m not.
Danita Cummins 00:17:23 Yes. Yeah. That’s so good. And I think the journaling piece I really love, like you’re saying is because if you do it over time and it doesn’t have to be a documentary, you know, I think that’s sometimes when people when they come to the, practice of journaling.
Danita Cummins 00:17:38 And I have a friend who created a Spiritual circle journal years ago and, you know, she did it in a season of her life where she had three very small kids at home. And she just she just didn’t have the time, you know, and so she had to come up with some way to really, you know, have meaningful time where she could get the thoughts out. And then she was off busy doing her mom things all day. so she came up with this model, which is it’s very effective. But when you do it, over time, you start to see the patterns. So, like, even this year in a season or our hard season. And I’ve been using her spiritual circle journal. So, you know, I give all credit to Liz. but I just recently sat down and, you know, it’s it’s, you know, getting close to the end of the year and I’m able to go back and look like what were the things that I was struggling with on that day? I don’t remember, you know what I mean? I, I probably won’t remember three months from now when I was sitting on the floor crying, you know, this week.
Danita Cummins 00:18:29 But if I go back, I write it down, or at least I have this thing. I can start to see these patterns, and then I can start to see like, oh, okay, this is a limiting belief. This is something that keeps, you know, this imposter syndrome or this is something that just keeps coming up, like, why does this thing keep coming up? Why does this keep tripping me up? And it’s very much kind of the systems engineering approach, but to ourselves, you know. So yeah, I think that’s so good. because we don’t we don’t really know. We’re, you know, we kind of move on to the next thought or the next thing. And, and we don’t really take the time to see, see the patterns.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:19:04 But that’s, it’s being it’s being present and intentional, isn’t it. One of the things I do in my journaling everyday, every day is say, okay, who have I touched today? And by that what I mean is who I had an impact on it where they’ve said I really needed that or thank you, I just what I needed and I write those bits down and then what have I learned? And some of my lessons will be that it went better than I thought.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:19:28 So it’s not always about wrongness. Sometimes it can be. That went really well and I spent five days worrying about it. So actually, I could have gifted myself those five days back and trusted myself more. And then what’s my takeaway? So from every day, what’s my one thing I want to take away? because again, to your point, it’s it’s all about seeing those patterns and seeing where they, where they form and understanding some of the things that go around that, that go, okay, some of the pattern is in how I’m feeling or in, you know, at the time those same thing could be happening to me. But if I’m if I’m feeling happy and energized and that it’s, it’s just a glitch. Whereas if I’m not feeling happy and energized because I’ve had a run of things going wrong, then actually it’s the end of the world as we know it. That’s right on the floor and wrong. And so I love that you’re kind of like you’ve put in practices to help you to start to navigate some of those storms ahead of time.
Danita Cummins 00:20:27 Yeah.
Danita Cummins 00:20:27 No I think it’s so helpful. My a dear friend that I have that passed away this year. she was a therapist and I kind of, I give her the credit that years ago she taught me that every feeling is valid. And as I’ve navigated this and IT journey, you know, I guess leadership journey or coaching in mentoring journey in these different areas of my life, I see that so much, right, that our feelings are like a foreign language. You know, we talk about emotional intelligence stuff all the time, especially in leadership. You know, that’s probably one of the most common topics that we talk about on the podcast. And and that I’m really doing behind the scenes coaching and mentoring when I’m, you know, even this week, yesterday, I was coaching a CEO and we were just talking on the phone and, you know, and he’s like, hey, I really need you to keep doing the coaching thing because he’s tired. His feelings, you know, they’re valid.
Danita Cummins 00:21:15 And so she told me that, you know, years ago every feeling is valid. But it will pass. You know, like feelings are like clouds. They come and they go. And so I’ve tried to just stay in that space, like you’re saying. It’s like a river. They’re coming through and you’re kind of like, what? What was that? You know, and you, you can grab it and hold on to it. Right. And you to your point, you could roll around with it. You can stay up all night with it. You could do all the things, or you can just open hands and be like, well, that was interesting. I don’t know why I got so mad at that. You know, at that meeting, why am I so mad at my boss, you know? Or why am I so mad at or frustrated? and I think we have, we owe ourselves that just as humans. You know, our hearts. I say that years ago, you know, I realized how important our heart is, to us as people and just, you know, we kind of wrap it up.
Danita Cummins 00:22:03 We stuff it in a box. We, you know, we abuse it. We don’t listen to it. We ignore it. We do all the things to our hearts, our hidden hearts, and, we just our hearts deserve, you know, to be heard. And so I think there’s just this grace of just letting us just feel what you need to feel. Don’t hurt anybody in the process. That’s never okay. You know? but, yeah, there’s been such clarity, I think, for me and such peace of just like, it’s okay, you need to sit down and cry for a minute. It’s okay, you know?
Danita Cummins 00:22:29 And I love that.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:22:30 Because we, you know, our emotions, they are all valid. And they do come and go and and, you know, we have to acknowledge them. we don’t need to, you know, then to grab hold of them and keep them. And it’s fascinating. When we were in lockdown, one of the things I learned to do was read microexpressions because irrelevant of age and race, we use the same 43 muscles in our face to demonstrate the same seven human emotions.
Danita Cummins 00:22:55 Oh my gosh, that’s so interesting. And I did that.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:22:58 Purely to be a better communicator. but, you know, you can sit in meetings and go, do you know what’s really going on in the room versus what things going on in the room?
Danita Cummins 00:23:06 Yes.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:23:07 Because the emotions that we may as well deal with it never to call anybody out on it and say, well, you look angry tonight.
Danita Cummins 00:23:13 Right. Yeah.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:23:15 To think to myself, if you’re not looking angry, but if you were to think, oh, she looks angry, I wonder if this isn’t going the way that she expected. So I’ve done it in meetings before I’ve gone. Yeah. Before we carry on, can I just check? Is this doing everything? Everybody wanted it to happen. And then the feeling frustrated can go, well, I thought we were going to do X. Brilliant. Let’s add that in. So good that we have. Or if someone’s looking anxious going here before we move on. Does anybody need this.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:23:43 unpacking in more detail. so it’s creating that psychological safe space. And that’s kind of what you’re doing with coaching, isn’t it? Is creating that psychological safe space for people to explore that feeling and then go. So that was interesting. And what have I learned from it? As opposed to I’m going to I’m going to put it in my backpack and carry it around with me.
Danita Cummins 00:24:07 That’s right.
Danita Cummins 00:24:08 I can take that home to our kids. You know, I had a gentleman come on the podcast and he was talking about, as leaders, you know, you’re probably often going to be the the topic of dinner conversations at home. And so how do you want to be discussed at the dinner table? You know, and I thought, oh my gosh, that’s so profound. How many times of my husband and I had dinner conversations about our day at work, and they weren’t always the most positive? So, yeah, I think that’s so good. And I, I appreciate the psychological safety. You know, we talk a lot about that today I think in leadership for sure.
Danita Cummins 00:24:41 And, you know, what it is and what it isn’t, you know, because there’s kind of the misconception I think sometimes, like, I’m creating psychological safety and you’re like, but are you really, you know, or are you just pontificating? So I do think that too, like, we we are getting better. I think as leaders at trying to create that space, but I still think there’s a big opportunity for improvement as we go along.
Danita Cummins 00:25:01 So I.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:25:02 Completely agree. I mean, there’s there’s still so much more that we can do. And I think for me, one of my greatest lessons in leadership was learning to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Because people are people are messy, ourselves included.
Danita Cummins 00:25:16 That’s right.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:25:16 We don’t all flow we the way that you expect it to. We’ve all got emotions going on, and therefore it won’t always go the way that you want it to. So the only thing you’re guaranteed is you will occasionally hit something that’s really uncomfortable.
Danita Cummins 00:25:29 Right?
Kim-Adele Randall 00:25:29 But you can get comfortable with that as the leader and therefore allow your team to have some confidence that you’re you’re comfortable in that place and that’s okay.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:25:41 You’re not going to join them in chaos.
Danita Cummins 00:25:43 That’s right. Yeah. Here I.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:25:44 Come.
Danita Cummins 00:25:46 To and that’s.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:25:47 Fronting that together. And I think that you’re there for me. The bits that you know, I, I in what I do I try and help people go. How do we help you get comfortable with the uncomfortable so that you don’t join the chaos? You need people through the chaos. And I think that’s kind of almost our, next evolution.
Danita Cummins 00:26:08 Yeah. That’s so good. Yeah. There’s a course I took years ago called, Crucial Conversations. Have you.
Danita Cummins 00:26:13 Ever. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:26:16 That’s literally every client. Now, if you read it, read it.
Danita Cummins 00:26:19 Yes. It’s so good.
Danita Cummins 00:26:20 That’s what I tell people all the time. I’m like, okay, we have to get in the pool so we can have a conversation that’s going to be a little bit contentious. How do we get in the pool, you know, so that we can do that? Yeah I think that’s so important.
Danita Cummins 00:26:31 And the other thing I say to you is like, I think that leadership, you know, other than parenting, is the most important and influential thing that you’re going to do. And leadership is not it doesn’t have to be big, you know, to your point, you don’t have to lead a fortune 500 company. You can. Right. But you’re also leading a community, or you’re leading a classroom or you’re leading your family, you know, and so every single person that you have an opportunity to influence is important, right? Because we’re entrusted with the care and safekeeping of other people. And that is that’s a big calling, you know, on our lives. And so that requires us to show up every day, like you’re saying, that requires us to do the hard work for on ourselves, you know, and, and I’ve over the years, just seen so many times where it’s like, this is work, you know, do you know, this is business, it’s not personal. And I’m like, I bring my whole self to work every day, you know, like, if I didn’t get that job, I didn’t get that job because I wasn’t qualified.
Danita Cummins 00:27:26 I didn’t have the skills, you know, I didn’t have the experience. Whatever. But that’s, that’s that’s deeply personal. I mean, that’s my whole life, you know, it’s everything I’ve learned, everything I’ve studied. And so it is a personal thing, you know? and when you’ve got a person on the other side of the table is trying to do whatever it is, spreadsheets and manufacturing or whatever, they have a whole human life, you know, that’s going on. And I just think that there are so many opportunities to just take a breath.
Danita Cummins 00:27:54 And see.
Danita Cummins 00:27:55 This person. You know that you are you are entrusted to and and a lot of people do say they’re like, well, that’s exhausting. I’m like, well, it is, but your hearts are heavy, you know.
Danita Cummins 00:28:06 That.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:28:06 You chose to do though, isn’t it? Oh, I could literally chat to you all day, but I can’t believe how fast I came by. And can I ask you before you go, if I can give your younger self a piece of advice, what would it be?
Danita Cummins 00:28:21 I think it would be to have more fun, to just enjoy enjoy the moment of the day.
Danita Cummins 00:28:29 You know, back to what we said about being present. There are so many times when I’ve regretted or, you know, I’ve, kind of, you know, browbeaten myself up about the things I said or whatever, and to just kind of release those things and let it go, because at the end of the day, it really it really the person in front of you today is the most important thing, you know, and, and that’s really, truly what matters in the world. So. And to love you love yourself. Yeah. Love yourself a little better.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:28:56 I love that I love the whole like. Be always have more fun as often. And I love yourself and love the person in front of you equally I and I think you know that makes such an impact. So how can people get in touch with you? And who do you help?
Danita Cummins 00:29:14 Sure.
Danita Cummins 00:29:15 Yeah. That’s, the easiest way, is to visit my website. Denny de cummins.com. and I’m on all the socials, but, the same thing.
Danita Cummins 00:29:24 Denny de Cummins. But my, my personal website is the best because it links to my consulting website. It, you know, links to the ministry, service that we do and the opportunities for that. And I will say there’s kind of two, two spaces, you know, I, I work primarily with small to medium sized business owners who are who are working on building or growing their organization, through organizational growth consulting, strategic planning workshops, and then also leadership coaching. then I obviously work on the ministry space. So, so the intersection of that is is really helping faith driven leaders, you know, connect and bring bring all of their, their self to the world. so yeah, that would probably be the best way to to find me and reach out.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:30:07 Amazing. And we’ll make sure obviously all the details excuse me of how you can connect with Danita will be in the show notes below. So if you didn’t get time to write all of that down, I promise there’ll be just below you right here.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:30:19 Danita, it’s been an absolute joy. Thank you so very much for coming on and sharing such heartfelt insight and actionable advice. I really appreciate.
Danita Cummins 00:30:28 It. Thank you.
Danita Cummins 00:30:29 So much. It was been a blessing. Thank you again.
Danita Cummins 00:30:32 Thank you.
Kim-Adele Randall 00:30:32 And to everybody watching and listening. I hope you found it equally inspiring, insightful and igniting you to want to go and do something different in your world. To capture yourself in those moments where you are holding on to an emotion that you can just let go of. And until next time, take care.