Authentic Achievements with Special Guest Sherry Winn
đď¸ Authentic Achievements Podcast: Unleashing Olympic-Level Leadership with Sherry
In this electrifying episode of Authentic Achievements, host Kim-Adele Randall is thrilled to welcome a true leader in every sense of the word, Sherry. Stepping into the world of leadership from the heights of athletic achievement at the Olympic Games, Sherry brings unparalleled insights garnered from leading college basketball programs to clinching a National Championship. As the CEO of The Winning Leadership Company, she has dedicated over 3,900 hours to crafting Olympic-level leaders.
Episode Highlights:
đ Sherryâs Journey: From Olympic Glory to Leadership Excellence
đ The Winning Leadership Company: Crafting Leaders of Tomorrow
đź Speaking Engagements: Inspiring Audiences and Corporations Alike
With a stage as vast as Gillette Stadium and audiences as large as 14,000, Sherryâs impact knows no bounds. Major corporations including Dell, McDonaldâs, and Adobe have eagerly sought her wisdom to transform their teams. Now, she extends an invaluable opportunity to our listeners â a complimentary 50-minute discovery call to ignite your journey towards unprecedented success with an Olympic-level mindset.
Connect with Sherry:
đ Website: www.thewinningleadershipcompany.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thewinningleadershipcompany/
đ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thewinningleadershipcompany/
đş YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@SherryMWinn
đ¸ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thewinningleadershipcompany/
Donât miss out on this exclusive opportunity! Like, subscribe, share, and review Authentic Achievements on your favorite podcast platform to stay updated on inspiring stories of success and leadership. Join us in unleashing your full potential!
#AuthenticAchievements #LeadershipExcellence #OlympicMindset #PodcastLeadership #SherryMWinn #TheWinningLeadershipCompany
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Transcript:
[Music]
0:05[Applause] hello and welcome to todayâs episode of authentic achievements where itâs my
0:11absolute Delight to be joined by my good friend Sherry win Sherry welcome Hey Iâm
0:16so happy to be here with you oh Iâm so looking forward to this we always have such fun in our conversations and I know
0:23that this is going to be just like that and always so jam-packed with Insight but before we get stuck in and carried
0:30away as we are known to do let me introduce you more formally to the people watching so Sher stepped into the
0:37world as a leader first in sports where she attained the highest level possible in athletics the Olympics she led
0:44college basketball programs for 23 years where she won a national championship and a CEO of the winning leadership
0:51company sheâs delivered over 3,900 hours of leadership programs where sheâs
0:56developed Olympic level leaders Sher spoken to audiences as large as 14,000
1:02and has spoken for companies such as Dell MacDonaldâs and Adobe sheâs spoken in the Gile uh Stadium airplane hangers
1:10baseball diamonds and too many Hol Hotel convention centers to mention organizations such as Dell Adobe
1:18MacDonaldâs and a host of multi-million and billion dollar companies invest in sherâs teaching each year because of the
1:24impact that she has and I know from every conversation weâve ever had that investment is well worthwhile because
1:31you always have such great Insight but what a journey what and what an amazing
1:37amount youâve accomplished already can you tell us a little bit about your journey so
1:43far well I think that I think people always want to know about the Olympic Games and so weâll start there right I
1:48wonât start from the date of conception so weâll skip all that weâll go to the assume that
1:54happened uh so you know people often ask like you know how did you get there and I think what I know is that at the age
2:02of seven I actually said Iâm going to do that like I watched it on Olympic Games I watch it on TV with my family and they
2:07were so excited they were cheering and I said well thatâs what I want to do right I want to be there where my parents love
2:14me like they are loving these people on television right now this is what I want to do and the next day I was like okay
2:20Iâm gonna do jumping jacks because this is all I knew Iâm gonna do jumping jacks Iâm gonna do some push-ups and sit-ups and I started training at the age of
2:26seven for this journey and along the way of course you hit obstacles and
2:32challenges and all those kind of things but because I had dreamed about it so long and I had seen it like I had
2:39imagined it I had imagined walking into the stadium I had imagined being a part of the USA team that it you know it came
2:46true so I I really believe in that you know when you imagine something until it
2:51seems like itâs real that it is real it becomes reality and uh I was fortunate
2:57enough to play in 1984 and 1988 in the Olympic Games and then I played a sport called handball which in
3:03the United States people donât really play handball right itâs not they think itâs like racketball Iâm like no itâs team handball itâs itâs like soccer
3:09using the hands or water pullo and land and so when I got done there was no place to coach handball so I went back
3:17to my original sport which is basketball and thatâs how I coached uh in college for 23 years until I came into you know
3:26I decided it after 23 years I knew that there was more that I wanted to give so even though I was teaching and coaching
3:33my players much more than basketball right because basketballâs great but literally how many of my players were
3:39going to play past their four years in college such small percentage so I decided that I wanted to embark on this
3:45other thing of uh doing motivational speaking and then doing leadership training and Executive coaching and so
3:53it kind of all just because itâs all the same like itâs when you train the mind which is consistent and whatever youâre
3:58going to do you have to first Trend your mind and get your heart aligned with it visualize it and then come into full
4:04belief with it then thatâs when things evolve and youâre able to actually live your dreams oh I I love that you I was only
4:12saying to my my friends boy the other day who was berating colic she was using her imagination
4:18oh thatâs so childish and I was like it isnât I said never get rid of your imagination I saidâs into golf I said
4:24you know all of those big golfers I said they win the game here before they win the game here
4:30and so you so go to got to harness that and I love that like you you just embody
4:35that in everything that you do and and that brings me to to my question so
4:40youâve written Five Books five I mean not they say thereâs a book in all of us but you know clearly
4:47you had a few more which clearly clearly is your favorite and why
4:54although the last book that I wrote uh winning leadership seven secrets to being a truly powerful leader and the reason I love that is because I
5:00interviewed 200 leaders across the United States and got their insights
5:05like I you know was first of all lovely to chat with each one of them like it was
5:11such a pleasure and a joy entertaining engaging and then getting their secrets
5:18along with that and so you know really hearing for not Theory itâs people
5:23living leadership right now that was you know a phenomenal Journey for me to
5:30spend the time with them and hopefully the same Journey for them I canât I canât speak for them but I did maintain
5:37some really some lifelong friendships from that as well I mean I have people that I meet with on a regular basis like
5:42once a month from that interview process that weâre now uh friends and we share you know our
5:49secrets of you know our misery our secrets or misery of our Journeys together so itâs it was really and itâs
5:55a great book itâs packed jam-packed full of information I only for like you know leaders who are coming into the moment
6:01but for leaders who have been there for 25 years it is a great book I had the privilege of um reading it and and it is
6:10itâs definitely worth picking up itâs one of those books that for me every time I go back to it I find us something
6:17different itâs a itâs a another nugget in there that youâre like oh that always seems to just match with what I need at
6:24that moment and I think we sometimes you should be super super proud and I think itâs because you
6:31youâve encapsulated so many peopleâs lived experience so itâs not Theory itâs
6:38not um itâs not opinion it is based on
6:43201 because yourself included um peopleâs lived experience of actually
6:49how this happens in reality how you respond um when itâs authentically going
6:56on when itâs right here right now not when we have the luxury of being able to
7:02plan for a potential um scenario and that must have been I can imagine why
7:08youâve ended up with some you know some lifelong friendships because when people share their story with you you get such
7:16a depth of connection donât you right well I think one of the things that I asked people and I and I was I was
7:23surprised but not surprised by the answer so I ask whatâs the biggest challenge that youâve ever faced and I
7:28didnât personally a profession I just ask whatâs the biggest challenge that youâve ever faced and over 80% of the
7:34people that I asked said myself myself and I was like you know the magic like you know it and so um that made me
7:42really happy to know that thereâs so many people out there who understand look itâs not the thing out there thatâs
7:47killing me like itâs not the thing out there thatâs stopping me itâs me and so if I get past me if Iâm able to find the
7:55answers through me then the obstacle abute will disappear so I was really
8:01happy in fact the fir first chapter is called the winning factor and thatâs what it is itâs about the ability to be
8:06self-aware oh I love that and itâs true isnât it you know I remember one of my uh most enlightening but equally my most
8:16um frustrating probably is the kindest word I can come up with moments was when
8:21I realized that everything that has happened is as a result of me so I have been my biggest obstacle and therefore I
8:28was the thing I needed to get over and whilst that was very liberating it was
8:33also it was also hard to give away that
8:38comfort blanket of being able to put the blame somewhere else you know I I found
8:44a quote which for me I I love which is Iâm not the Iâm not the victim of my um
8:50circumstance Iâm the product of my choice and I think Iâd been the victim of my circumstance for so long and that
8:57journey to becoming a product of your choice and realizing in everything that happened I had a choice didnât always
9:04make the right one who always makes the right one right
9:10but but I think this you know when we say we didnât make the right choice I think that every choice that we make can
9:15be the very choice that we needed to make right so it didnât feel like a good choice and when you look back youâre
9:21like oh my gosh I canât believe I did that but at the same time that opportunity that allows us to learn from it to move forward from it so it was the
9:29right choice we just didnât we just didnât know it because we had to go through the pain of living it yeah to
9:36get the outcome that we needed right so so because I read a book once and it just said whatever choice you make is
9:42the right one and I thought well thatâs a great way to look at it you know looking at it like oh I was so stupid I
9:48was so dumb I canât believe I did that just to know that every choice you make is the right one because itâs going to put you on the right track to you know
9:53to the opportunity that you need if you are willing to stand in it and learn
9:58from it like otherwise you just get bitter and you get mad you get angry and youâre like for the rest of your life youâre going to tell the story about how
10:04this happened to you and you know it was unfair and I canât believe this person did this to me and this is you know w w
10:09w and of course you know we all have done that before which keeps us living
10:16in the same experience and then we canât move move past it and so we get to tell more stories of the same kind of
10:22experience because we just attract more of it in donât we and I think itâs that um you know I always say to to um
10:29Scarlet you know everythingâs about choice we make a choice we make one that doesnât serve us beauty of choice make a
10:35different one so donât hold on to the one you made go serve me anymore Iâm
10:40going to make going to make a new one and I think you know if lifeâs taught me anything itâs that everything in it is a
10:45lesson a blessing or both so in those moments where Iâm not feeling blessed I
10:51look for the lesson and thatâs where the blessing is always hiding in the as you
10:56as you said itâs the growth opportunity itâs the learning itâs the what are we going to know as a result of this that
11:02we would never have known if weâd not made that choice no matter how bad that choice felt in those moments when we
11:09want to label ourselves donât we as like really yeah thatâs thatâs what you
11:15chose well and and itâs true I mean but it doesnât serve us well to label ourselves there right and we we do
11:21stupid or dumb or ignorant or whatever we want to call ourselves other you know you know worst names and that keeps us
11:28in the past it keeps us stuck in the story and then it predicts our future because if weâre calling ourselves
11:34stupid then we canât get to the Future because weâre going to live the past over and over again but when we choose
11:40and like you said itâs a choice youâre teaching a daughter such wonderful things once we get to it a choice then
11:46we get to choose what we want to feel about it and we get to choose what we Le want to learn about it and we get to choose what we call a win from it and
11:54you know I I get so excited when I look back in my past I see like the things that I would have labeled you know
11:59really bad like tragedy itâs a tragedy um because the worst thing that ever
12:05happened to me also happens to be the best thing right so you look back youâre like well you know I endured seven years
12:12of chronic pain where I couldnât sit stand or walk without pain and I couldnât go to a movie theater because I couldnât sit long enough to watch the
12:18movie and I couldnât you know walk through a grocery store long enough to buy groceries and at the time it was
12:24horrific right it was terrible and of course I labeled it all that I was very angry person but I want to look back that was
12:31the EV that was the beginning of the evolution right that was the beginning of my Evolution to understand choices
12:37and to understand that you know our response to the event equals the outcome and to understand like what real
12:43humility was what real empathy was and some of those things I mean it was it was the it was the direction that led me
12:49down the path of and Iâm not going to claim Iâm 100% there of unconditional
12:55self-love right led me down that path I love that and and youâre right I think
13:02any of us can ever say that weâre 100% unconditional self-love but thatâs the goal isnât it thatâs what weâre thatâs
13:10what weâre aiming to towards and and you know I know from our previous conversations sometimes itâs that
13:16catching yourself in those moments where youâre not demonstrating self love and then making a different Choice going
13:22thatâs okay I donât need to you know before I iâ Iâd catch myself in those moments then Iâd wallow in it for a
13:28little bit longer little or iâ hair shirt myself for the fact that I had dared to get it wrong
13:36and not give myself self love whereas now I just go no Iâm
13:43human I didnât recently I did this Kim this is kind of funny so I was uh I flew
13:50you know across the United States to Maryland so Iâm from Montana so Marylandâs on the other side of the
13:55country from us and uh so I flew in I got in about midnight next morning I get
14:01up to go to do a gig right to do a speaking presentation I get there I meet the event manager talk to the event
14:06manager I meet the people are coming in talked to them had the mic check and all stuff give the presentation people like
14:12oh thatâs a great presentation finish the presentation theyâre all like that was wonderful love you leave drive back
14:17to the airport and I realize the next morning I gave them the wrong
14:24presentation oh no so so the first thing I did literally
14:31was laugh like thatâs the first thing I did I recognized I was like Wow because nobody said anything like nobody in the
14:36audience said anything the event director didnât say anything and I was like that was really kind of dumb that
14:42was really a bad mistake and so then I tried to make it right so I immediately you know text the uh event manager and
14:48said hey I just realized I gave you the wrong speech itâs not what you pay me to do Iâm happy to make some you know what how how can we make this right and you
14:55know uh followed that up with a email same thing and theyâre like oh we just loved you it was great and and then so
15:02you know I Saidi give you a free webinar like let me at least do that but I
15:07didnât I didnât in the past I would have beat myself up like literally I would
15:12have never forgiven myself it would have been like three days and I still been beating myself up for the mistake that I made IID try to figure out why I made it
15:19and then beating myself up some more and what was the most amazing for me was I gave myself Grace like I immediately
15:25just said look you know you did this you you were
15:30working on this other speech for Saturday so that was a Thursday you were thinking about Saturday you werenât
15:36thinking about Thursday and they loved it so itâs okay you know and you tried to make it right
15:42and you admitted it because they might not have ever said anything to me but I was like no I got I go at least go back
15:48and say I did this um but that ability to self forgive that ability to say look
15:53Iâm human and as a human weâre going to make mistakes and itâs not the mistake thatâs
16:00so important itâs how fast you recover from it so sitting in it was it going to
16:05make me better beating myself up over it was not going to make me better I mean taking some action toward you know what
16:11can I do to make this right is obviously the right thing to do but but just the ability not to beat myself up that
16:19freedom of moving past a mistake is one of the best things you can do for
16:25yourself I mean really it truly is and I was so happy that I laughed I mean the
16:30my first response was laughter rather than beat myself up and thatâs so good because thatâs such a shift isnât it
16:36from from being in that place where you know your first response is like how can you berate yourself in a way that you
16:42would never berate another human being ever in the in the history of the world and I think you know I I know how
16:48brilliant you are at at speaking and Iâm sure they probably didnât even notice it was the wrong speech because they got
16:54value from from the speech that you gave and thatâs what they thatâs what they bought into um but the fact that
17:01actually you went back and said but it wasnât the right one and actually let me let me make it right it speaks Real
17:08Testament to your values and to what you want to bring because you could just look at it and go they may never tell me
17:14and clearly you know they thought I was Ace and they were you know they were happy with it maybe theyâll pay me next
17:19year to give them the speech I should have done but the fact that you didnât you stepped in and went do you know what
17:26actually I I got it wrong and me let me make it right and you know I say to scholar all the time itâs never the
17:32mistake that defines us itâs what we do with the mistake and thatâs where thatâs
17:37where we get to make a better choice as long as we as long as we own
17:43it so and that brings me on to your speaking because youâve spoken to like
17:49so many people to so many audiences and had such impact around the globe what
17:55would you say is the number one takeaway that you want want people to have when
18:00they hear you speak I think what weâve been talking about really uh you know one of my favorite speeches is called unleash the
18:06winner within you and uh one of the pieces of that speech is the two most um
18:14important words that you can ever say are the words I am because whatever you say whatever you say after those words
18:20become your truth right and you know we donât understand and people donât
18:25understand how that thoughts are things you think becomes your reality itâs
18:30becomes what you live and the way that we we just donât even weâre not mindful
18:35enough of that weâre not mindful of the way that we treat treats ourselves so if we just
18:42understood that thought you know those thoughts are things and that the
18:47whatever we say after the words I am and I donât mean out loud like itâs the words the internal words that we use
18:53sentence when we say things like Iâm not smart enough Iâm not pretty enough Iâm not whatever we say right how many can
18:59we say Iâm not talented enough Iâm not thin enough Iâm not you know um whatever
19:04we say whatever whatever we say and Iâm not you know good enough is our favorite thing Iâm just not good enough well
19:10those becomes Our Truth and so really whatever in almost every speech I give somehow thatâs woven in maybe said
19:17differently but itâs woven in because when we get to the truth of the matter is that what we say to ourself really
19:23counts and what we say to ourself is what we live and if you donât like what youâre living living then your choice is
19:30to change how youâre thinking and when you change your thoughts you change your life right so I just think thatâs such a
19:36powerful awareness for people and many people donât even know what theyâre
19:42doing to themselves they have no idea what theyâre doing themselves and I know that you have a story about that about
19:47looking in the mirror right to say things and I think itâs itâs true you know I I spent many
19:55many years where I didnât even go beyond the definition of just I am not I am not
20:00enough I am not enough I didnât you could add anything to that I am not pretty enough I was like Iâll just
20:06bundle it all in to one and Iâm just not Iâm just not enough in any capacity and
20:13that led me to be an innate people pleaser where actually I ended up losing
20:19myself um because I just yeah I just didnât get it and for me and Iâm super
20:24grateful to for the privilege of having my little girl um but she was my Ure Eureka moment um so when I was she was
20:33N9 months old and I found a lump and thought I might not survive long enough to give her all of the wisdom and
20:41whether it was wisdom but all of the all the things Iâve learned through my lived experience um and I went to write the
20:48letter you know the the letter to pour all of that out and why do you even start that letter because I had no idea
20:56where to start that letter and I remember going up with this blank sheet of paper that been glaring at me for at
21:01least an hour and a half with my Iâm you know my not enough was in full swing I
21:06canât even write anything on this piece of paper um and I looked at her little face and I and she was fast asleep
21:13dreaming and I remember saying in that moment if I survive this I will do
21:18whatever it takes to understand what Iâm doing to myself to make sure that I undo
21:25that because children donât learn by what we say what they learn by what we do and how we are and who we are and I
21:32realized that unless I learned the introspection to fix what I was saying
21:39about myself I was actually going to teach her to say it about
21:44herself it was like the world stopped I couldnât be responsible for that level
21:50of harm to this little Earth Angel that have been gifted the privilege of of
21:56guiding um through her life and and so you know it sent me on a seven and a
22:01half year journey of self-discovery and and you meeting amazing people like you
22:06that helped me to really understand that you weâve got to fix it in here first we
22:12weâve got to be kind to ourselves and demonstrate that selflove to enable us
22:18to be kinder to others because you know somebody said to me once can you your
22:24kindness is almost sickening I like sorry about that mean like you do anything for anybody I went but not for
22:30myself not for myself and now you know now I have to look in the mirror um you
22:36know Iâm Iâm a woman I put mascara on Iâve yet to meet a woman that knows how to do that without actually looking at
22:42themselves in the mirror so I know at least once a day Iâm G to have to do that um and so now I look at it and go
22:48is is can I find something that Iâm grateful for about the woman in the
22:54mirror yep and and thatâs like been for me personing that really helped me on on
23:00that journey and thatâs come from great people like you sharing the power of the I am know you I am and if itâs not
23:07serving you rewrite it because we are the author of our life arenât we
23:13absolutely and itâs funny because you said you know unknowingly what parents give to their give their children and I
23:19donât think thereâs a ton of parents and there are some right but I donât think thereâs a ton of parents who
23:25intentionally feed their children bad things like they donât intentionally do it and they do it so I was recently like
23:33my momâs 85 recently went to go visit her and so weâre talking and she says I
23:39want to give you $2,000 I said Mom I donât need it like Iâm good like Iâm really really good and she goes no no
23:45you need you need this $2,000 because you need to get your teeth whitened
23:51because you shouldnât be on stage with your teeth that color and so I was like
23:56oh and I donât say anything back to her I said said Iâm thinking oh this is that not good enough yeah right this is that
24:03not good enough thing and how many times did she feed me that as a child and how many ways did I learn that she didnât
24:09mean it that way she meant it as a gift like on giving something like for my heart but what she said is youâre not
24:18good enough as you are you to go fix this I was like oh wow wow and so I was
24:26thinking you know no wonder I struggled with that no wonder for years and years and years that this message had come
24:33through in many different forms in many different ways and you know as from love
24:38right from Love from concern from whatever itâs masqueraded with but I was
24:44just like wow so no wonder was so hard because Iâd heard it so many times I had believed it and became a belief of mine
24:51and then I had to learn to to you know turn that around and so what I said to her was just really simple I go Mom
24:57thank you so much for offering me the $2,000 what Iâll do with it is Iâll put it in a money market for you and when
25:02you need it I Iâll be happy to give it back so I didnât I didnât even play into any of that right whereas if I hadnât
25:09done the work like you talked about the work you get you know that you did for you and the work Iâve done on me iâ would have got mad and angry and upset
25:16and you know set something back that I would later have regretted but I just know that she meant it well like her
25:24intention in in that was positive right even though the mess the back
25:30message was ter terrible but but that reminds me I mean that so resonates though across
25:36leadership isnât it you the amount of people that I meet where you know when when youâre giving people feedback um
25:42the first thing that you do you give somebody constructive feedback is they start to defend what they were trying to
25:48do because they werenât trying to get it wrong they werenât trying to upset you or mess you up in the example of your M
25:54but that was their impact and you Iâve realized far too late in life I realize
26:00if I start by setting the intention with people first and go I think what youâre trying to do is be really kind I think
26:05what youâre trying to do is give me a gift from your heart I think youâre trying to do all of this which is
26:10brilliant and I love that and thatâs amazing but can I talk to you a little bit about the impact youâre having because youâre not achieving
26:18that you know youâre way way over here in what weâre trying to do but but the
26:24good news is what youâre trying to do is the right thing and therefore we can we work on that with you but you therefore
26:30you donât spend that waste of time where theyâre trying to defend that theyâre not a bad person that they werenât trying to upset you that they werenât
26:37trying to get it wrong that they werenât trying to miss their Mark or you know whatever it is that youâve given them
26:42itâs often in the as much as we need to reframe in our heads isnât it itâs itâs how we reframe what we put out when
26:50weâre leading people right itâs so one of the things I love to say to people you know so my coaching clients and uh
26:55what Iâm doing uh you know seminars and webinars Iâll say no if people knew better theyâd do better so when theyâre
27:03coming at you a certain way itâs literally they donât know better they donât like itâs kind of what you were
27:09just saying right there is they donât know better if they had a better way of doing it they would have done it already and so itâs their unawareness and of
27:16whatever is going on they just donât have the awareness that thereâs a better way to do that they donât have the awareness of that they donât have the
27:23awareness of that how they sound or anything theyâre doing and so your job as a leader is to help them grow into
27:29that like your job is to help them come into that awareness right and so you donât have to be mean about it you donât
27:35have to be ugly about it you donât even have to get mad about it you just recognize look they donât know better
27:41because if they knew better they wouldnât approach it this way they would already approach it differently yeah I
27:46love that because we have blind spots for a reason donât we weâre blind to them so unless somebody tells us what
27:52they are or weâre going to weâre going to carry on and I remember when I used to be in corporate leading big teams I
27:58to say to the teams when I first start off if I do something thatâs really annoying or really irritating or even if
28:04it seems really obvious to everybody else that that that must be the impact
28:10it has just tell me anyway because I promise you itâs never my intention to do that so Iâm probably blind to it even
28:17if a 5-year-old should be able to see that that behavior is going to result in that impact please do me the you do me
28:24the good grace of telling me what it is and give me an opportunity to make you
28:30to make the change um and because you start with that you then earn the right
28:36to be able to do the same back and and share with people you the same thing which is I donât think this is what
28:41youâre trying to do but you need to know this is whatâs happening as a result of
28:47the way youâre doing it so the beauty is we can now work together on how do you find a better way of doing it right and
28:53how do we grow that development and you thatâs why people invest in in people like you and coming in and um giving
28:58those great speeches that are actually you know for me having seen you speak itâs about that actionable stuff great
29:06to have somebody who can engage us and entertain us and and we come out weâre stoked and we
29:13go and what do I do differently Iâm not quite sure how
29:20I put that into my life how I put that into you what would that look like and
29:25sound like and feel like for me to do whereas when you speak you actually give
29:30them that and I wondered whether or I youâve got so many success stories but I wondered if you wouldnât mind sharing a
29:36success story from one of your clients that would kind of bring that to life how youâve how that engagement really
29:43Alters how they are and the impacts that has for them well the first thing that comes to mind something most recent so I
29:49have a client that Iâm working with so a coaching client and um a
29:54salesperson uh struggling to sell right struggling struggling struggling so you know we start off with just what I found
30:00to work is not for me to tell them what it is let them do through you know a lot of questioning let them come to that aha
30:07moment and so you know weâre talking about thought habits which I often talk about because I know thought habits lead
30:12to your actions and that lead you know it leads to your beliefs which lead to your actions which leads to your life thatâs the life youâre living itâs all
30:18living because of a thought habit that you have and so weâre having this discussion he says to me I think Iâm self-sabotaging I said oh
30:26of course like of course you are like what we do to ourselves itâs not just you itâs like everybody we all do that
30:31and so I said in what ways do you think youâre doing that and heâs like I donât know I donât know I donât know why Iâm doing what Iâm doing but you know I I
30:38donât know so then he calls me and heâs like all excited he said can do you have a minut I said sure sure sure sure he
30:45goes I know what it is I said well what is it he goes well he goes when I was young I did some
30:51really bad things I said okay and I said whenâs the last time you did one of
30:57these bad things and goes oh decades I said decades he said decades he said so
31:02I donât feel like I deserve you know to to win these Sals I donât feel like I deserve I said decades
31:09heâs like yeah I said DEC Iâm like decades letâs get to the decades
31:14part you know I said if you notice I didnât ask you what you did and he goes yeah I said I donât care I because the
31:20guy that Iâm talking to now is not that guy youâre talking about that was and you canât live in your past to get what
31:27you want in the present you have to let go of the past especially if the past wasnât serving you well I said so youâre
31:33not that guy I said tell me about the guy you are today he goes oh Iâm humble and Iâm kind and Iâm empathetic and Iâll give people to share off my back and I
31:39said yeah exactly so letâs let go of that because thatâs not serving you and
31:45so he did I mean he he was like you donât care I said no I donât care I donât even care what it was because it doesnât make any difference to me well
31:51because he understood what the problem was like he understood he was self-sabotaging he understood why he was self-sabotaging he was able to let that
31:58go and then heâs literally he just did a he just did a cell for a sixf figure
32:04cell so think about that right about what that enabled him to do and so you
32:11know we if we understand itâs us we K quit looking at other things and we just
32:16get itâs us and we understand that what is it that I believe thatâs holding me
32:21against the thing that I want and if I just change the belief then the thing that I want gets I mean just gets a nor
32:28right it just becomes bigger and bigger because I can step into it but you canât you canât you canât live what you want
32:36you canât get what you want until you live it so you have to live it inside you have to live it in your mind you have to live it in your heart before you
32:41can actually like get it and so thatâs what people do backwards right they donât live it first they donât live as
32:47if itâs they deserve it and theyâre worthy of it and then that they you know they should feel this way they should
32:52have these great things and so theyâre just trying to get something they donât believe in it just doesnât work
32:58yeah yeah well youâre blocking that youâre blocking that energy aren you kind of go Iâm going to say this but
33:05yeah I really mean it itâs almost the um you know I I sometimes see it with people itâs they kind of get out of jail
33:11free card in case it doesnât actually come true so itâs like I want this and I but just on the inside Iâm at least
33:17going to tell and I was definitely guilty of this where you know Iâd go for things Iâd be like you
33:23know yeah I I believe I can get this I believe I can deserve it but on the ins side Iâm just telling myself you know if
33:29only they knew I wouldnât get there feeling which was my way of kind of balancing the scales in case it didnât
33:35happen itâs like itâs never going to happen is it youâre actually pulling the scales away from you youâre youâre you
33:41know youâre setting that apart but I love that that kind of whole shift and and we do donât we hold on to things
33:46that probably nobody else can even remember and youâre like did you apologize for it did you say you were
33:53sorry well let it go how much of your what percentage of your life have you
33:58lived differently from that percentage where you know you did things that
34:04youâre not so that youâre not so proud of so maybe youâve given back enough now that you can go okay Iâm GNA put that
34:10down itâs a bit heavy I donât like it and and Iâm gonna Iâm gonna move forward
34:16and do things do things that do serve me which I think sometimes I donât if you
34:22if you see this as well sometimes that feel that can feel very selfish Iâm gonna look to do things that serve me um
34:30but actually the piece and and you talk about this so eloquently is Iâm going to
34:35look to do things that serve me because it will enable me to serve others better because I canât serve others
34:43wholeheartedly until I find the things that best serve me and and that you that
34:49that for me was a real Eureka moment when I got to that it was like it feels really selfish it makes me really
34:55uncomfortable thatâs thatâs the whole thing theyâll kill me you know that weâre taught like youâre selfish a bad word but you canât give what you donât
35:02have you canât give it so if you donât have love for yourself then youâre youâre judging other people all the time
35:08right because what youâre really doing is judging you for not being that person you wanted to be so now youâre youâre
35:13just throwing that everywhere else on everybody else but when you when you have like
35:20humility then you can give it when you have love you can give it when you have good communication skills you can give
35:25it but if you havenât invested in yourself thereâs no possibility of ever giving it away yeah possibility because
35:32weâre Limited in what we can give and so people like my mom right love her like
35:37my mom sheâs trying to give me love right it doesnât that way it
35:44doesnât show up that way sheâs trying but because and know and Iâm just saying this because I know my mother she
35:49doesnât love herself and never has yeah yeah so itâs been her you know been her
35:55challenge to love herself and so now sheâs just putting that on to me because she doesnât know a better way to do it
36:02yeah and so you can have Grace like I said I Iâm not I was never mad at her because I totally understood her the
36:08only Reon I understood her is because I understood myself like the only way you can do that is through all this work that you do and so the more you give to
36:13yourself then more you can give to others and thatâs the greatest gift that we can give right yeah yeah itâs itâs so
36:20it is so true youâve got to do that that Journey back and you know I I say say to my little girl the time if people donât
36:26hurt us on purpose theyâre actually not even considering us at all theyâre
36:31dealing with their own pain and weâre just natural damage and then what we do is we try and bring them into our pain
36:38and make them deal with it but they theyâre not responsible for our happiness weâre responsible for our happiness and and to your point with
36:44with your mom sheâs trying to give love the best way she knows how but sheâs never done the bit of work to give their
36:52love so they have a discoloration of what that Loveâs going to look like and
36:57therefore you know thatâs how it thatâs how it goes out in the world isnât it itâs that yeah I I um I read a bit of um
37:06I think it was Florence skle Shinâs book and she talks now about thereâs a monastery in um India and there they
37:14donât say good morning to each other ever um the way they introduce themselves when they you know their
37:20greeting is I salute the Divinity in you and they see the Divinity the goodness
37:26in in everything and everybody despite the fact that it is you in the middle of in the middle of nowhere
37:32surrounded by wild animals none of them ever get hurt because they donât see the bad they see the good in everything and
37:38everybody and I was like I really I really like that so now when I find myself in those moments of Iâm getting
37:44frustrated with with things I remind I say in my head over and over I salute
37:49the Divinity you I salute the Divinity in you and because I recognize itâs not your fault that this is how far youâve
37:55been able to do the self-reflect ction right and therefore Iâm going to give
38:00grace to the fact that youâre doing the best you can with how far youâve come
38:05right difference right and every leader if you could imagine a place where leaders leaders were living that that
38:12belief system right so so you know what would happen is there people want would
38:17want to stay there there people want to they want to you know you talk about you know retention they donât want to go
38:23anywhere else why they want to go anywhere else how does it how good does it feel to be there itâs to leave something where you feel good you know
38:30so I was just talking to a guy the other day um itâs a guy Iâm interviewing for my next book and he said he just sent
38:37his team to Florida for a one week vacation his whole team like he rewarded
38:42them with a onewe vacation because he said look theyâve worked hard they they met all their quotas they did what they
38:48were supposed to do and this is what they deserve well imagine if if leaders Wen if they saw that and they wanted to
38:55celebrate people and they celebrate people because they celebrate themselves right they can see the good other people because they see the good themselves and
39:01so imagine that team they they love they love working where they work they love you know working for home they they
39:08canât wait to get back to work some more because itâs a joy to be there thatâs the difference and so itâs really about
39:15itâs not just necessarily about the things that you do as much as who you are right so that so so when you show up
39:22that way because people are always asking me about how do you you know get retention higher how do you get engagement higher how do you double your
39:28productivity Iâm like it starts with your leadership yeah yeah like it really starts there because if those people
39:33show up that way you have people who want to be there people who want to work people who are motivated to work right
39:39people enjoy coming to work and so you donât have people that are sitting on Sunday and going I donât want to go to
39:45work I have to go to work I to go to work I shouldnât go to work you donât have that theyâre eager to go back into
39:50and passionate about it and so you know I think that the work comes
39:55and so the the companies that do that hire like people like you like me to hire people like us to come in and we
40:01weâre not just working about the business we want to say who are you letâs examine who you are and why what
40:08youâre doing is you know helping your team or are there things youâre doing that you could better do they would help
40:14you show up differently to them and that will change everything thatâs involved
40:19in your business itâs itâs so true and and it actually just you know I I think for too
40:25many years we weâve weâve hidden behind uh things that weâve been taught that actually are just wrong you know like I
40:32I grew up you know cut my teeth in in corporate for you through the 90s and
40:37and the early 2000s and yeah it was like keep you keep your home life and your work life separate you leave your
40:43problems at the door and say you canât because you go where you go so they come with you because your head go your
40:50thoughts go where where you go so actually we need to be able to learn how to hold the space for people to to kind
40:57of be you get through whatever theyâre getting through and you we we also we all have heard that sticks and stones
41:03break our bones but names will never hurt us and look at the rise of mental health challenges weâve got as a result
41:08of the fact words hurt and the words that hurt us the most are the ones we
41:13say to ourselves and because we talk to ourselves in a way that we would never dream of talking to another human being
41:21no matter how angry we can be as a human being we always turn that anger inward
41:27ourselves at a at a greater multiplication donât we so I think being able to help people learn how to change
41:37some of that thinking how to realize that actually you know I I learned to
41:42lead youâve got to bring your whole self right all of it whats and all and you
41:49and channel it appropriately to to you know be authentically who you are
41:56because thatâs going to be what people will you know will buy into and thatâs going to be what affects change not only
42:03across your business and your team and and your organization but also it it kind of goes into your rest of your life
42:10as well doesnât it just makes everything elevated right and thatâs what I think
42:15there the power of leadership you know when I look at leadership and I think you know the Ribble effect the multiplier effect because if you have a
42:21great leader and then they impact their team which goes back and impact their family which goes and impact the
42:27community right and so when you have that going on I mean think of the the
42:34incredible positive influence that youâre the ripple effect that youâre creating itâs just amazing what can
42:42happen as a result of having a good leader you know itâs just talk about the company or the business but it filters
42:47down into peopleâs you know into peopleâs lives so when I was coaching I used to have players that you know I
42:52teach them all kinds of things because I knew basketball was you know theyâre not going to dribble the ball after they leave like they were done theyâre going
42:58to go on with their lives and so you know people that now contact me and say Coach man Iâm so glad you talked about
43:03controllable factors or so glad that you taught us conflict resolution Iâm so glad you taught us like you know how to
43:09have um uh you know how to be an assertive Communicator Iâm so glad that like they because it impacted them
43:16forever and it changed their relationships with the people their families now thatâs something right
43:22thatâs something thatâs why I think that leadership is the key um you know to making our countryes better because you
43:28know we canât sit around and wait for a government to do it thatâs a long thatâs going to be a long wait itâs itâs itâs
43:35true I I agree and I think every one of us is a leader of somebody because weâre
43:41a leader of ourselves first and if we can learn those great leadership skills and Lead ourselves better then that
43:48ripple effect is gonna is going to be what what blossoms out isnât it and helps us to collectively lead our
43:56society in a better way Sher I could chat to you all day as you know because
44:02I always love our conversations theyâre always so packed with Insight but Iâm very conscious of time youâve shared so
44:08much value and insight already but if there were one parting piece of advice
44:14that you could share with us what would it be well I would say to I would say to you that you know understand this is a
44:20lifelong journey right and so enjoy the journey and also know that youâre probably not going to get it all done
44:26like thereâs always another layer to learn and so investing in like yourself by reading books or doing meditation or
44:32having a coach or a mentor I mean really invest in yourself because that helps your it helps your journey along the way
44:38and it helps you give that kind of self-love that you need so that you can laugh when you make a big mistake and
44:44you can just you know give yourself Grace and and then you know go forward from that point so itâs just really
44:50investing in you like know that youâre worthy of investment and however that investment looks I love that and while
44:57weâre talking about investment you have um been really really kind and offered a
45:03free 50 minute Discovery call for anybody listening or watching this that wants to be able to experience how you
45:11can help them to really change that mindset and get onto the winning mindset
45:16which I am so so super grateful for you offering and for anybody out there
45:22listening and watching I promise you take the opportunity you will not regret
45:27it I have the absolute privilege of um calling this lady my friend and being
45:32able to connect with her very regularly and it is always a source of joy of
45:39insight and of growth so Sher thank you so very much for sharing that with the
45:45audience today and thank you so very much for sharing that with me so consistently my
45:52friend until next time take care