Authentic Achievements on USA Global TV
Launched 25th February 2022 our new show Authentic Achievements on USA Global TV starring Dr Jacalyn Kerbeck and Kim-Adele Randall
We are delighted to be working alongside the fabulous Dr Jacalyn Kerbeck and USA Global TV, for our brand new collaboration. If you would like to learn more head over to YouTube or visit if you would like to join us as a guest book here.
You can see more of our interviews here
Full Transcript
MEET KIM-ADELE RANDALL ON AUTHENTIC ACHIEVEMENTS
Announcer
00:00:43
Welcome to talking heads on USA, global TV, starring the one and only wonderful Dr. Jacqueline. It’s a prestigious place where world-class influencers and experts meet and where you’ll find the most trusted advisors and coaches for all things in life and business. Visit USA global tv.com to sign up for our newsletter. Get the value you need and be first in line to learn about events and giveaways and other valuable connect with us. Email Dr. jacqueline@usaglobaltv.com to talk about how you can become part of USA global TV that’s USA global TV, where the doctor is always in.
Dr Jacalyn
00:01:24
Hello, everyone, and welcome to USA global TV and hello to our friends. Listening on business talk radio. I am Dr. Jacqueline Kerbeck and we have so many exciting things going on here. I just love it. We have a brand new show today and a brand new co-host who has joined our team. So let’s get right to it. Our show is authentic achievements and my cohost is Kim Adele Randall, and she’s joining us now. Welcome Kim.
Kim-Adele
00:01:52
Hi Dr. Jacalyn, how are
Dr Jacalyn
00:01:53
You? I’m well, thanks. How are you?
Kim-Adele
00:01:56
Yeah, I’m really good. Thank you. I’m very excited.
Dr Jacalyn
00:01:59
Yes, it’s very exciting. And so I just want our audience to know that Kim was a guest on one of our shows and we connected and I reached out and here she is now as part of our team at USA global TV. So thank you so much, Kim.
Kim-Adele
00:02:14
Oh, no, thank you for having me. I thoroughly enjoyed being interviewed and I’m so looking forward to being on the other side and interviewing at the possible.
Dr Jacalyn
00:02:22
So for folks who are just joining us, our first show, typically with a new co-host and a new show is that we actually do the show together without a guest, but going forward, we will be having guests. So if you’re interested, you can reach out to Kim, we’ll be giving her contact information. It’s actually available in the platforms right now. Kim, I’m going to spotlight you and give you the opportunity to share with our audience who is Kim, and why are we doing this show?
Kim-Adele
00:02:51
Thank you. So who am I? I’m a really proud single mum living in the UK and I’m offering my next book authentic achievements, which is where we got the idea for the show. And it really is about sharing people’s authenticity and how they’ve overcome adversity to go on and achieve amazing goals in the hope that we can inspire our amazing listeners to get out of their way and go and achieve their dreams.
Dr Jacalyn
00:03:21
Thank you, Kim. And you know, we talked before the show began that many times we have something happened to us and we just become frozen. We just feel like, Hey, maybe it’s not meant to be, or I don’t have the energy to do whatever it is. And we’re very vulnerable. And in this vulnerability is actually opportunity. What are your thoughts about that?
Kim-Adele
00:03:46
Absolutely so well put, I think I spent so many years terrified of my vulnerability. My biggest vulnerability was I was an ex hairdresser and I moved into corporate life and I was convinced when I was on the board that someone was going to turn around one day and go put the hairdresser on the board quick, get her off. And it never happened, but it was my biggest vulnerability until many years later when I worked out, it was my superpower. Because as a hairdresser, you learn how to listen to people to understand what’s important to them and to help them be their best selves. Well, that’s leadership. That’s what people want is you to listen to them, to understand what’s important and help them be their best. So I realized too late in life that actually my vulnerability was my superpower. And I think that’s, again, one of our purposes, isn’t it? Dr. Jacqueline today’s show and the series is to help people recognize that in themselves.
Dr Jacalyn
00:04:37
Yes. And thank you for, for being so transparent and authentic Kim. So as you know, there are a lot of hairdressers out there across the world, and many I’ve been to, and I really appreciate them. They almost become like a therapist and sometimes I feel so bad. You just tell me all your information because you feel so at ease. So when you reflect on the fact that you were hiding this fact that you were a hairdresser, what was going through in your mind, what did you think people would think?
Kim-Adele
00:05:08
It’s a great question because my hairdresser was one of the people I appreciate most in the world because it creates that safe space for me. And yet, because I maybe because I’d moved into corporate financial services and I didn’t have a degree and I didn’t have the papers that said that I should be, that I got myself really nervous and was like, oh my goodness. If they find out I’m just a hairdresser, I haven’t even gone to get a levels or gone to university, but I’m never going to have the career that I want. And it wasn’t true. And actually, it was just, it was just my own subconscious holding me back, but it held me back for a lot of years. And I suffered really badly with imposter syndrome and being terrified that people would find me out and find me to be lacking.
Kim-Adele
00:05:51
Even if I win any awards, I couldn’t believe that they were mine. I thought people would just being kind. I mean, you kind of realize, no, actually, no, you weren’t them. But I think sometimes we, we dismiss, we call them the soft skills. Don’t we being able to talk to people, being able to empathize. And it always strikes me as strange that if they’re such soft skills, why do people find them so hard? Because so many people really struggle with those. And I think it’s about how we change what we place value in. Isn’t it to say, talking to people, engaging with them, listening to their story is a real skill. And it’s a beautiful thing to be able to do.
Dr Jacalyn
00:06:29
Absolutely. I agree with you. And I also think that authenticity while it seems like it should be so easy to, to demonstrate it’s a challenge for people. People hide behind a mask. I’ve known many people when I was in corporate, they were one way at work and they were another way outside of where it was like, there were two different people. I thought that’s gotta be a lot of work, right? Just show up as who you are, but yet people are afraid. So they put on the mask. We do have a comment from Phillips Sykes. I fell up. So, and I see her from you so valuable. We all need to understand that we have a purpose, big respect to him. And Philip is he’s also on our team and he is one of our co-hosts for the power of etiquette and matters coming up shortly.
Dr Jacalyn
00:07:17
And he’s also a talking head. So thank you for watching Phillips. So Kim, when you think back to being a hairdresser, by the way, Bravo and kudos to all those hairdressers out there, because we love you. We need you hairdressers actually help transform our appearance. And when you think about transformation on the outside, I know many times I would say three or four times I was in a bad relationship and I just cut all my hair. I just wanted to transform and get rid of that baggage. But when we think about that external transformation, we can see it, but yet the internal, we can’t actually see the way we get, we go and get our hair done Walla. We have a different look, but that internal transformation takes commitment and time. What are your thoughts about that?
Kim-Adele
00:08:08
Yeah, you’re so right, because I guess the outside pieces is the image we put out there to the world. I remember it, my, at my toughest point in my life, when everything could gone horribly wrong, I started to lose my hair and my hairdresser, who is a really good friend. Now, she helped making sure nobody ever found out that I lost it and it allowed me to not lose the final part of my identity. And she saved me. She really did save me. I’m like some melodramatic. It was just my hair, but actually I’ve coped with my marriage, falling out, falling down a health scare, becoming a single mum, finding a new job. I’d cope with all of that. But the thought of not being able to have my hair the way I wanted it and to not look externally, the way I wanted was just a step too far.
Kim-Adele
00:08:58
And actually I’ve spent the last three years working on the inner work because I suddenly realized it was all, it was all still a mask. It was all still about trying to show up and be what I expected. People expected me to be. And actually now I kind of go, whoa, I am, I’m 48. I’m a single mum. And this is who, this is who I am. And I don’t really need the mask anymore because actually I’ve become comfortable with who I am on the inside, but you’re right. It takes so much more work to do that part. And you can’t see the change.
Dr Jacalyn
00:09:30
Well, congratulations because that’s a major accomplishment. And when you think about taking off that mask and setting it aside, maybe even throwing it away, it’s sort of exhilarating. It’s like losing 10 pounds or more, isn’t it?
Kim-Adele
00:09:44
Oh, sleeping. It is. You’re that hope, that whole piece around it. It would terrify me before if I would come and with something like this, I would make sure that I got loads of make upon and off the rest of it. And now I’m just like, well, this is just who you are. And actually I’m very blessed that I’ve made it 48. A lot of people don’t make it that far. So just be proud of that and move forward with group with grace and gratitude around who you get to meet everyday and what you get to learn. And I think that’s been a massive change for me. And I’m hoping will be a really good thing for my little girl so that she actually is able to embrace who she is and not apologize for that, so that she could just go out into the world and do what she’s here to do.
Kim-Adele
01:10:27
Rather than we, we spend so much time don’t we all of us, at some point, doubting ourselves and doubting that we can add any real value or that we’re doing it right. Or that we’re creating anything that people want to be part of. And I think the beauty of children is they don’t have any of that. They’ve not learned any of that yet. So they are just what they are. I mean, and we might find that slightly frustrating sometimes when the 57th version of why mommy, why actually they are just, what is in their head is going to come out of their mouth because they’re just being, and there’s no ulterior motive. And I think that’s that for me has been part of my big life lesson, becoming a mum later in life when she’s five now. So it was, so I was relatively late is relearning how to just be and not worry about the rest of it.
Dr Jacalyn
01:11:20
I can’t even imagine I don’t have any children, but your whole life changes. And to your point, when you’re at, you know, you’re not in your twenties, you’re already established and then you have this new person in your life. I can only imagine that it’s a, it’s a major eye-opening experience, but yet one filled with so much joy, just learning how to play, just learning how to let go of all the technology, which we love technology. Please don’t turn it off right now. So Kim I’ve actually broached the subject before on this platform. When does it occur? We change from being that beautiful, innocent child who just wants to play in question all that incredible curiosity to the judging, to the self doubt, to the insecurity.
Kim-Adele
01:12:07
We sadly we do it to our children and we don’t mean to. So we inadvertently because we’re living with our adult life of pressure of conforming and fitting in, and we’ve got this compare and despair society. We start to layer it on our children and I find myself doing it sometimes slogan, oh, people think she’s pretentious or she shouldn’t do that. Cause she should wait her turn and everyone should be kind. So we start saying to them, oh no, don’t, don’t do that. Just be a bit quieter or don’t be too loud or don’t be too bossy. Don’t do something else. And we start to give them that internal dialogue. And what I’ve identified in the research is that we create this by the age of seven, we create an I am statement. And then we build on it by the time we’re 14 and we inform them we’re so enforcing it.
Kim-Adele
01:12:52
And then we embed it by the age of 21 and that becomes the underpinning blueprint to our life. So mine was, I’m not good enough and I’m not livable. And then for anything that went wrong in my life, it was okay because I wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t livable. Neither of which were true. And I come from a really loving family who live in, support me in everything that I do. But I was brought up in a time where girls should be seen and not heard. And we shouldn’t step out of our room out of our box as it were so inadvertently that created a backstory that I carried into my future. And this is what we do with our children. So it’s trying to allow them to just be, and when they get upset, let them be upset. We rushed to make them better because we want them to be better.
Kim-Adele
01:13:36
But what that does is teach them that emotion’s not a good thing. And therefore they bottle it up inside and then the subconscious starts to play with it. So allowing them to be upset and sit with them whilst they’re obsessed as AI, imagine that’s really, you know, I imagine it’s really frustrating that mommies wouldn’t allow you to watch the 57th version of Bobby because I couldn’t take anymore and I can see how that’s upset you, but can you see why mummy’s asked us to move something different? It takes a little bit longer, but hopefully it will allow them to continue to just be and evolve because how many of us are getting to, to sort of like my age, probably not quite as old as me and having to relearn how to just be themselves because we’ve spent so long not doing it
Dr Jacalyn
01:14:23
Really good points. And I’m 58. I’m going to be 59 next month. And I have to tell you that I had a mask on for a lot of my life because I have three auto-immune diseases and I was always ashamed and humiliated because of my skin or running to the bathroom. And so, yeah, it happens all the time. We, you know, but at least we see it and we get the opportunity to embrace it and then evaluate, how can we take the hand that we’ve been given and then make something of it when you were talking? I was thinking, there’s a school that’s close by here. It’s a Catholic school. And the children wear uniforms. And when I go for my walk, sometimes they’re outside and I haven’t noticed the other day that they were having the children run around the parking lot and for exercise.
Dr Jacalyn
01:15:12
And you could see that some were way ahead and others were behind. And then I saw someone’s hurts the ones behind and just yell something. And then I just saw one girl, put her head down and kind of just stop. And it reminded me when I was in school. I wasn’t very good at gym, which I hated it actually. And people would make fun of you and you carry that. Like, you don’t even know how that’s going to affect you later. And I thought about that little girl and I thought, oh my gosh, I wish I could just give her a hug and say, it’s okay. You don’t have to be the fastest one. Just keep going. And don’t let somebody else’s judgment or harsh words impact you, but I’m sure that they, they would.
Kim-Adele
01:15:52
Yeah. And then I think you’ll give so right. And when you see things like that, you do want to just go and give them a hook. Don’t you engage, not just dance in your own lane, love, dancing your own lane because the rest of it’s not, not for you, but we try and make people conform and you’ve got to try and be good at everything at school. When we were still do today, you know, you’ve got to be a little rounder. Well, we’re not allrounders as human beings. We’re good at some things and we’re not so good at other things. And that’s why we work as a society, because if we’re all good at everything, we would never talk to each other. We never need to. Whereas actually, if we say well, look, I’m quite good at this. And you’re quite good at that. We can barter.
Kim-Adele
01:16:28
I can help you with your bit. You can help me with my bit together. We’ll be stronger. And I think it’s helping them to understand, to understand that. And my little girl sometimes comes home and she’ll be very upset because someone was mean to her at school and told her that, you know, she wasn’t clever enough or she wasn’t there. So I was like on whose term my daughter, on whose term are you not enough? Because the only person that counts for is your own. And you should only measure it with, I’m a being kind. I’m a trying hard. And am I learning something? And if you can say yes to those three, you’re more than enough. So I think it’s trying to help change that dialogue so that they don’t. I mean, it’s heartbreaking when you see a little kid with their head down, because you go right back there, don’t you go right back there to when you were that age and somebody did something or said something to you that made you feel bad. And I think that’s why we empathize so much when we see children that are hurting because our own inner child is crying out to them. We know how that felt.
Dr Jacalyn
01:17:29
That’s so true. And it does take its toll. And many times, I know, at least with me, you don’t even talk about it because you just think, okay, I have a horrible voice. Okay. I should be thinner. Okay. I should be prettier. You know, all the things that somebody said to you and really you just sort of stuff it down. And Kim, when we look at authentic achievements, whatever that might be, whatever that is for you, whatever it is for me, there are definitely people who are not happy for you. And that doesn’t mean that you should embrace that because we don’t know the journey, someone else’s walking on. So I know for me, I was always about gold stars because I’d love to be brought up on stage. Like you were talking about awards. And at some point I realized the only gold star I need is my own, but it took about 57 years. I hate to say.
Kim-Adele
01:18:25
And I think you said, yeah, I love that. That is, that is so like me. And it only took such a long time. Did you realize that actually it didn’t matter how many awards are the people gave you? They didn’t mean anything until you could acknowledge it for yourself until you could look in the mirror and go, I did all right. That I might not go as far as you know, and I’m amazing, but you know, I did all right. Not completely hopeless. That for me was that for me was a massive immersive breakthrough. But we, we do don’t we, we have, we have these bits where we, we take all of what’s being said externally, when we cling onto the bad bits, because there’ll be just as many people that are happy for us that do champion, what we’re doing that are thrilled for us, but we’ll hold onto the few people that aren’t happy for it.
Kim-Adele
01:19:10
And actually they’re not unhappy for it. Everyone happy for themselves. So it’s not that they, it’s not that they really even know who you are per se, to be happy or unhappy for you. They’re just unhappy with where they are. And rather than make that change, it’s easier to say, oh, well, it’s all right for you because you have this that I didn’t have, or that, that I didn’t have. But like you said, you D you don’t know what’s happening in somebody else’s world. You know, you have no idea what’s going on at home or outside, outside. I remember once having to do a big redundancy program. And the board said to me, come in, are we ready? If we’ve got everything organized? And I was like, well, we’re ready as we’re going to be. And they were like, well, perhaps we should stop then.
Kim-Adele
01:19:52
And I was like, no, what I mean is whereabouts tell 1800 people that were making job losses. I have no idea what’s going off in all 1800 people’s lives. So I have no way of knowing what this information is going to do to add to the burden they’re already carrying. And the only thing I can do is be there for them and hold the space, talk to them, understand what they’re going through and allow them to have those emotions. So I think that taught me a lot about the fact that we don’t know what’s going on in people’s worlds. So when people are unkind to me or if they aren’t happy for me, I just didn’t. Well, I hope I hope one day you achieve what it is that you’re wanting to achieve, and that people are happy for you because clearly there’s something that’s making you sad. And it’s that sadness that we often lash out at other people. I say to my little girl, if someone’s cruel to you, it’s probably because they’re sad and then they’re hurting. And unfortunately they therefore want somebody else to hurt. So don’t respond to it. Just be kind and because maybe what they really need today is somebody else, somebody else’s kindness.
Dr Jacalyn
02:20:53
I love that. And many times, if you see someone who is angry, it’s because they’re hurting, they’re really sad, but they don’t know how to express themselves. Or maybe to your point, when you just mentioned about a safe space, maybe they don’t have a safe space. Maybe they don’t feel like anyone’s there. It’s actually hear them. Yeah,
Kim-Adele
02:21:11
Yeah, no, I think suddenly you’re right. It’s sad to think that about people. Isn’t it sad to think that somebody doesn’t have a safe space somewhere to go to or so much to be comfortable to just go, I’m not, I’m not happy to stay and I’m having a good day, or I don’t feel good about myself or something else that’s going on. So I think if we can all try and be kind, I mean, I have, one of my friends was like, I can’t believe you can continue to be kind to people when they’ve been really awful. And I was like, but I’ve read, I’ve learnt in life that people don’t hurt you on purpose. The sad fact is they’re not even thinking about you, they’re thinking about themselves and their own pain, and you’re just collateral damage. So when you start telling them about what they’ve done to you, all you’re doing is adding to their pain.
Kim-Adele
02:21:58
So they go, well, I was already miserable and not going to do your misery. I was for that. I’ve got a double burden. This is why I tend to take mine away and go and deal with it with people that live me and say like, can I just, I just need to get this out of my head, because if not, I’m going to overthink it and I’m going to eat it up. It’s going to become part of me. Whereas actually once I can start sharing it so they can see the reaction on their faces of horror that somebody could be so mean. We’re just like, well, okay, I kind of get it. I don’t think they met me. I think they probably were just dealing with something for themselves. But I’m very fortunate that I’ve got that, that community that will, that will help me in doing that.
Dr Jacalyn
02:22:38
It’s so important. And to your point, I’ve been in conversations with people that they’re really worked up and angry. And I just look around like, are you talking to me? So it must be, I’m just the pass through. Cause I know that it’s not, it’s not directed at me. That pain is real and you need to do something with it. And a lot of times we just projected onto someone else because maybe the other person it could be made could be you. It could be anyone. Maybe we don’t have boundaries to say, Hey, listen, I’m I hear you, but that’s your stuff. You’ve got to work on it because in order to be authentic, I think we do have to set boundaries on both sides.
Kim-Adele
02:23:19
We do. And that was something I didn’t do very well for a lot of years. And therefore people trampled on, I think at one point I had welcome written on me. I was like, why don’t you feed on the way through? But of course I didn’t have boundaries because I wanted to be, I wanted to be kind. And the piece that I had missed the piece I hadn’t understood was to be truly kind includes being kind to, which means you have to put those boundaries in because if not, and I think the old saying, isn’t it, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If all you’re doing is being kind kind kind kind kind, no matter what anybody else does to you in the end, you deplete yourself and you’ve got nothing left to give. So you have to have, you have to have that self control to put those boundaries in from a place of kindness to you and to the people that you wanting to try and serve.
Dr Jacalyn
02:24:11
Yes. Good point. And I know growing up and obviously I’m older, but I was always told you’re from the me generation, it’s all about you. It’s always it’s. So you kind of like put that aside and then it’s all about somebody else. And then you get to be certain agent. Like with me, it was my intestines that were not working too well. And it’s kind of like, yeah, you have to have boundaries. You have to say no. And so K now, because you have to do some self care because you have to fill up your cup before you can feel someone else’s to your point.
Kim-Adele
02:24:44
Yeah. And, and it’s, it’s hard, isn’t it? When sometimes, and I think this is what life teaches us is if we don’t find it for ourselves, if we don’t find that way of putting balance, then our body will do it for us. So our body will go, you know what? You’re not putting in boundaries. I’m going to, I’m going to make you, I’m going to give you something. I ended up with double pneumonia in intensive care because I wasn’t giving, I was doing the thing around the boundaries that was just give, give giving. And in the end, your body just goes, I will make you stop. And you will have to listen to me. And because if not, you’re going to kill yourself. And I hear this talking to people, you know, around the world, they have that moment of maybe a different illness, maybe a different something that’s come in, but where they weren’t doing it for themselves, suddenly their body went right now. I’m going to make you, and you have to do that self reflect don’t you only have to go back and go, well, I either make a change or I’m going to continue to be really, really ill and, and perhaps even worse. And it’s awful that we have to get to that crunch moment. Isn’t it. Before we make those changes.
Dr Jacalyn
02:25:55
And Kim, I know that that was a really traumatic time in your life. And there are people obviously with what’s going on in the world today, people are suffering, struggling in all kinds of ways. If you wouldn’t mind sharing with our audience, when you had the double pneumonia and you did almost die, how did you fight your way back?
Kim-Adele
02:26:16
Yeah, so, so I had, it was, it was bizarre, really? So I ended up, I went, oh, I thought I just got cold. Everyone told me I was really alone. I was like, there was a ridiculous, I’m a single mum. My member forties life just takes a bit more of a toll. And then I rang to get a new inhaler. And they took me into the hospital and saw me that I might not come out. And I was like, you’ve got to be joking. I’ve got a little girl. She’s not quite two. She’s at home with the neighbor having Sunday lunch. You can’t tell me I’m not coming home her and you need to take these masks off. Cause I need to ring family. And I remember it in that moment, praying and saying, if you let me out of here, if you let me home to her, I’ll make whatever changes you need me to make.
Kim-Adele
02:26:55
But the next thing that I did, I remember talking to the doctor the same, tell me what you need me to do to get out of here and I’ll do it. And he was like, Madame, I don’t think you understand. We’re not sure you’re making it out of here. And I remember looking at him and saying, no, you don’t understand. I’ve got a little girl who needs me. I will get out of here and you will let me, and you just need to tell me what to do. And I was very fortunate that three days later I was actually discharged not only from intensive care, but also from the hospital. And he said, I’ve seen your x-rays. I don’t understand how you went from what you had on, on Sunday to what you’ve got now on, on Wednesday and how clear they are. I said is was really simple.
Kim-Adele
02:27:30
The only thing I focused on, the only thing I pictured and I pitched it every minute of every day was my little girl’s face. When I was the one that picked her up from nursery. And I didn’t move from that bed. It’s the first time I had not worked in probably 20, 24 years. I didn’t switch my Blackberry on and I just rested. And I focused on Scarlett. I’m getting home to her. And three days later it became my reality. I did get to pick her up from nursery. And I remember at that point now you’ve got to make the changes that you said you’d make. And it started my three-year journey into being kind to myself and setting some boundaries. At that point, I’ll be honest. I was at my lowest step and I had to go and see somebody to help me on the internal work.
Kim-Adele
02:28:15
And the first thing they said was, tell me three things that you like about yourself. And I couldn’t think of one and everything I came up with, I got great friends was like, it’s not about you. I’ve got great daughter. It’s not about you. I couldn’t find a single thing. And after half an hour of, of the most horrendously embarrassing sitting there not knowing anything I came up with, I’ve got quite nice eyes. I now feel quite sad for the me that I was then that I couldn’t acknowledge anything else about me about I’m an, I’m a good person. I try to be timed. I try and leave things. But then I found that none of that, it took me half an hour to come up with. I’ve got OKR and that’s the NICUs that the same as my daughter’s and she’s adorable, but it guess it shows the work that sometimes we need to go through.
Dr Jacalyn
02:29:03
Well, I so appreciate you for sharing all of that and you have beautiful eyes by the way. Okay. And I love your daughter’s name by the way, Scarlett that’s so pretty this time that you had, that you focused on her, that you were motivated and driven that you had to get back to her. How has that changed your life? You shared now that you, you can see the good in you. You can realize you have so much to offer. You are kind, you are giving and helping and making this world a better place. What else did you learn from that experience?
Kim-Adele
02:29:42
I learned, I learned so much being a mum I’ve learnt so much, but in that experience, it was really around making sure that I couldn’t believe I’d waited like 40 odd years to have her in. And then the fear that I might not be there for her. And it was my second potentially life-threatening illness before she was two. And at that point I was like, life is telling you, you either change or it’s going to change for you. So really spent the next few years focusing on the fact that I learned that the voice that we talk to ourselves becomes the voice. We teach our children to talk to themselves, and that broke my heart because I’m not very kind to myself. And haven’t been for a lot of years. And I know I’m not on my own with that. You know, I know a lot of us are perhaps use words on ourselves.
Kim-Adele
03:30:24
We would never dream of using on another human being. So I realized I had to go and do the work I had to go and do that piece. And one of the other things that it taught me was if, if you think about it, if you’ve got up tomorrow and I said in the morning, Dr. Jacqueline, when you wake up, you’re gonna have to learn how to walk or talk or run or jump or skip. You’d be overwhelmed. We would all be overwhelmed. And yet the reality is at our most vulnerable, we did it. So I started looking at this and going, well, why was that? Why when we were so vulnerable, did we do something that today would overwhelm us? And in my opinion, it comes down to three things. The first is we want to fit in. You can do it. So I want to do it.
Kim-Adele
03:31:01
And the second thing is we don’t really know how to say no Amina, even a toddler tantrum runs out of steam. Eventually, even if you don’t think it’s ever going to promise you, they do eventually stop. But the third one and perhaps for me, the most important, and the one that I’m now trying to champion moving forward in people’s lives is I’ve yet to see a child try and walk without at least one adult nearby going, come on, you’ve got this, you can do it. So we quite literally lend our belief to them and they borrow that belief and make it their own. But we stopped doing it once they, once they get to a certain age. So why, why do we stop doing it? Every single one of them is can lend our belief to somebody and just imagine the difference that can have. So I do it all the time I, with my teams, or if I go into other organizations, lending my belief to them and their teams and seeing them the moment that they’ve stopped, borrowing your belief because they’ve created their own is priceless.
Dr Jacalyn
03:31:57
Hmm. Wow. So many gems in there. I love it. And I think something also that’s really is worth discussing is I know for me, in a period of my life, I would look at my biggest flaw and I would focus on that. It didn’t matter if I accomplish all these other things. It was this one glaring thing. And now again, it took a long time. I focus on the positive things and I am aware of where I need to do work. And I come up with a plan instead of saying my self, you know, you, my big thing is always about my weight. You need to lose weight. You should be stronger. You should be thin or you should be leaner. And now I just say to myself, look how strong you are. Look at what you’re capable of doing instead of all these other things. Yeah.
Kim-Adele
03:32:45
And also, I mean, look, how strong look, how beautiful you are? You know, you’re a beautiful human being and you’ve got real strength. You’ve got the real strength of character. And yet we diminish ourselves. Don’t we by these labels that we’ve created where we go, well, hold on. If I were, if I were this size, if I were this, what exactly what
Dr Jacalyn
03:33:05
I know, I say that all the time, if you lost five pounds, how was your life changed? It wouldn’t, it would not change
Kim-Adele
03:33:15
It wouldn’t but we convinced ourselves don’t really, absolutely so resonates. We absolutely convinced ourselves. And you, I had a boss once who said to me, he was like, certainly feedback. And I’ve never met anybody who beats themselves up as often as harshly, as regularly as you do. And if it weren’t for the fact, it was so tragic. It’d be a key skill.
Kim-Adele
03:33:39
You said, if anybody gives you a compliment, you’re not a hurt. It’s if anybody tells you something, that’s not great. You like, tell me more exactly. What did it? Oh, yes. I’m really bad at that. I’m really sorry. Yeah. Is that, so it was, you became the thing that you focused on and we do that sometimes with compliments don’t mean people give you a compliment and it’s a bit uncomfortable. My friend calls it there. I’m trying to make sure it translates for America. Cause I don’t think you’ve got a prime mark, like a thrift shop and she calls it the thrift shop brush off. So, you know, somebody will say, oh, you look lovely today. And you’re like, this was a fiver from the thrift shop rather than just saying yes, thank you.
Dr Jacalyn
03:34:18
If someone gives me a compliment, I’ll say, oh, I don’t look good. I have this. Are you kidding me? I’ve wrinkled. Like you automatically bring in the negative. And then they’re looking at you. Like, why did I even bother to say anything? Because now I gave you one sentence and you gave me a whole paragraph of negativity.
Kim-Adele
03:34:38
And she, she taught me this amazing trick, which was the next time somebody gives you feedback. Imagine in your head that somebody has just given you the most delicate, the most fragile glass bauble that they could possibly have given you. And that’s the feedback. So the minute that you dismiss it or tell them something you’ve done wrong, it’s like taking your hands out from under that bobble and watching it shatter. And you’d never do that. So don’t do that with their feedback. So now I can remember sometimes in my head I have to have in the extra piece, I’ll go, thank you. And then in my head, I’ll go, there’s a fiber from the fish, but at least I’ve learned to do it inside my head. And therefore that’s still left. I would have given you this beautiful gift without you looking like you’ve dismissed it.
Dr Jacalyn
03:35:24
That’s such a good analogy, Kim. I love that about the break of a bauble. That’s fantastic. Thank you. And I wonder if it’s gender, if it’s gender specific or if it happens more as females, I don’t actually know, but I can see it with many women that I’ve known throughout my life. There’s always something else that we have to provide, especially when it comes to clothing. There’s always some, oh, this whole thing I’ve had this for. So like, I don’t know why we do that. I guess it’s to take the attention off of us.
Kim-Adele
03:35:58
Yeah. I don’t like you. I don’t really know why we do it. And I don’t know if it does come back from, from that, you know, the generations that we grew up in, where you were, you know, we’re supposed to be seen and not heard and wait to be spoken to and, you know, sit, sit and try and look pretty in the corner, which if you weren’t, you know, I was in a, in a group of girls where, you know, there was the pretty one, there was the intelligent one. I was the most like the labs. So, you know, sitting in the corner and looking pretty, it was never going to be on my list of accomplishments. So I ended up having to find a way of coming a sense of humor instead. So you’ve found you’re in, but I think they’re the, they’re the parts.
Kim-Adele
03:36:35
We still, we still revert back to those childhood personality types almost. Don’t we, I think as we, I was looking at this with, with older relatives, I said, we almost become, as we get older, we become caricatures of ourselves. So the things that when we were really young, we got told off about, because perhaps we were like too boisterous or too noisy, or we thought we were too funny. I was definitely in the, you think you’ve probably always that funny, but as I’ve got older, I find myself thinking I’m funnier perhaps some more, more of the time and reverting back to hiding behind that humor. But when I look at my older relatives and an older friends, they’re doing the same. So the things that might have been minor personality, Nichols, when they were, when I’m in that adult life, now that they’ve become much older, they sort of really ramped the volume upon them.
Kim-Adele
03:37:26
And I think they say, don’t, they, we start off as children and we go back to being children. But I think it’s that piece that’s going to, we start off being who we are. Then we learn how to not be who we are, because that might not fit in. And then when we get old enough, we go, I have my way to change. So I’m just going to go back to being, to being who I am. And therefore we return that volume up. So I guess it’s how do we learn to do that without the need, for age to be our determiner?
Dr Jacalyn
03:37:56
I think that’s a great book topic. You are very funny, by the way. It’s, it’s interesting because I always thought of myself as a good storyteller and I love to tell stories. My dad was a good storyteller and I was at a dinner in corporate before retired. And one of the executives who was younger, he was listening, but I could tell he wanted me to stop talking. And afterwards he said to me, your stories are too long. And I said, what are you talking about? The whole table was captivated. That was the word they were captivated by my story. And he said, you’re really fully yourself. Aren’t you? And I said, what do mean? He goes, well, you’re not that great of a storyteller. Okay. That’s one person’s opinion. I still like to tell a good story and I’m telling them, okay,
Kim-Adele
03:38:45
Absolutely. And I think sometimes we look at that and go, well, that’s one person’s opinion, but like you said, a whole table were captivated by you. So it’s not always the, you know, it’s not always the story telling it’s whether or not it’s, it, it hits that particular member of the audience because somebody said this to me the other day. And I lived there. They said, if you go on to book reviews about your favorite book in the world and you go on and look at it and there’ll be hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of other people that have either liked or disliked it. And sometimes when you read the dislike reviews, you can’t even read the same book as me because this is my favorite book. It doesn’t change the fact that it’s your favorite book. It just means that it didn’t resonate for everybody.
Kim-Adele
03:39:29
And I think that’s the piece we’ve got to learn in life is when people give us constructive feedback, we can take the bits and say, do I want to make this change? Do I agree that that’s right? Or do I think this is opinion? And then make those choices. But if you’ve got like 50 people telling you you’re great at it, and one person’s thing, you’re really awful at it, then I’d probably take that imbalance to say, perhaps that person didn’t particularly like the story, as opposed to you’re a rubbish storyteller that she never started tell a story ever again. And yet we need to learn that don’t we, because if not, we take those negative reviews and we make them a reality.
Dr Jacalyn
04:40:07
I love what you’re saying. I love it. And I think collectively, what we can take away from this is if you have 50 reviews and a review can look like anything, it can be in any shape or form. And you have some small portion that are not positive incentive zoning in on that. Cause that’s what I did most of my life is like, how can I get them to like me? How can I get them to say yes, focus on the rest that are really good and just be realistic that not everybody’s going to like you or who you are or what you’re doing. And that’s okay, that’s their business.
Kim-Adele
04:40:44
I love that. And I live my life living quotes. And I found a quote recently that I hopefully sums up what you were saying, which is, you know, as a British person, we could argue about how we take our tea as much as we could about politics and religion. And I found this quote that said, I would rather be somebody shot of whiskey than everybody’s cup of tea. And I live it cause for the right people, you’ll be that shot of whiskey. And for the other people, you’re just not their people, but you don’t have to make it mean something about you.
Dr Jacalyn
04:41:13
Brilliant. I love that. That’s a great way to end the show. Kim, I would love for you to share with our audience, who is it that we would like to join us on this show and how can they contact you? And obviously they can go to our website, but if you want to reach out to Kim directly, let’s, let’s have you share a little bit more with our audience about who should be coming onto the show with us.
Kim-Adele
04:41:36
Fantastic. Thank you so much. Yeah. What we’d really like to do is be able to share inspiring stories of people who have achieved things that maybe to start off with. They didn’t think they could, but they’ve done. So being themselves they’ve whether they’ve always been themselves or like me, it took a while for them to shed the mask and just say, this is, I am what I am and I’m going to do my best to do it well and, and be kind, but I am who I am. So we’d love to hear your stories, to hear how you’ve achieved, what you wanted to, what your dream was. And like Dr. Jacqueline said earlier in the show, authentic achievements, your achievements or your achievements. They’re not for anybody else to define they’re for you to define and for you to do so with your authentic self. And that’s who we’d really like to come on, to be able to help people to understand how they too can overcome any obstacle that they’ve got in their way to achieve what they really want to do and align their purpose to really get out there and live life the way they wanted.
Dr Jacalyn
04:42:39
Thank you, Kim, and your contact information for people who are listening on the radio and cannot read the banner.
Kim-Adele
04:42:45
Absolutely. So you can get in touch with me at hello@kimadelerandall.com. I’ll spell that out in case my accent is a bit weird. So it’s hello@kimadelerandall.com. And you can also visit the website www.kimadelerandall.com or www.legacymediahub.com.
Dr Jacalyn
04:43:08
Fantastic. Kim, this is a brilliant show. I really enjoyed it. And I’m looking forward to working with you every week as we come to you at 9:00 AM Eastern time, which is 2:00 PM Greenwich mean time.
Kim-Adele
04:43:21
It is it’s 2:00 PM this time and I’m so, so thrilled to be part of the team. Thank you so much for having me and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed chatting to you today. I hope our audience has too. And I look forward to seeing our audience join us and share their stories as we continue on this journey.
Dr Jacalyn
04:43:39
Absolutely. Well, you have a beautiful rest of your day, by the way, is there a time change coming soon?
Kim-Adele
04:43:47
It will be. I think it’s April. It’s usually around Easter time that we moved to British summer time. Not the didn’t notice the British summer to be fair.
Dr Jacalyn
04:43:57
So you can still find us at the same time every Friday. So do join us. You can go over to our website, which is U S a global tv.com. You can book your session there and you can also go to our YouTube channel, which is USA global TV. And you will see starting tonight, there will be a playlist for our shows and you can find our shows with Kim there. All right. Thank you so much. Take care. It’s good seeing you. Bye bye. Thank you everyone. We really appreciate you. Whether you were on the live or the replay, it means so much to have you follow us. If you can help spread the word you see, Kim is a beautiful woman inside and out has so much to offer and we are going to be together here every week. So if you would like to take part in our show, we love to have you. We have about 22 live shows each week, all with different topics. We have something for everyone, except we do not have any politics. So thank you again. We’re coming right back with the power of etiquette and manners, and I look forward to seeing you with us. Then you can stay right where you are. I’ll go over to the other studio. Thanks again. Take care of yourselves.